"The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)" Review

6/2/2015

160 Comments

This time with kidney fucking, and I forgot to mention the human caterpillar, which is more of a human worm.

160 Comments

Sam from NZ

6/1/2015 05:13:55 pm

Have you seen What We Do in the Shadows yet? Kiwi Mockumentary with vampires/werewolves!

Morhek

6/1/2015 06:11:19 pm

I loved it so much. A perfect example of our self-deprecating sense of humour.

Unrelated, I can't post messages that aren't replies to someone else. All I see at the bottom of the screen is this https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/86114207/Screenshot%202015-06-02%2016.39.00.png.

As for the movie - since I haven't seen any of them, you could have gone on a Brad and Jerrid style rant about how Doctor Insano took you to his cabin in the woods one day to take part in Human Spider vs Human Spider: The Ultimate Battle, with Tina Turner sewn to Mel Gibson, and where the name Master Blaster takes on a whole new meaning, and I would have believed you.

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6/2/2015 06:38:17 am

@Morhek: It's apparently something that happens in Firefox but not in Chrome. The other fields are still there, but cut off. You can still enter your name and then keep hitting the Tab key to switch to the other fields. The one after "website" is the comment box. ;)

If you press Tab one more time after the comment box, you end up highlighting the "notify me..." checkbox with the Submit button next to it.

In order to actually see the whole comment form, try this:
1. Hit Shift+Ctrl+I (that's an uppercase i) to bring up Web Developer Tools.
2. Out of the tabs atop the window that opened, choose "Style Editor".
3. Click "New" (below the aforementioned tabs, in the left column)
4. Paste this into the empty text field:
.blogCommentReplyWrapper iframe {
height: 450px !important;
}
Explanatory screenshot: http://i.imgur.com/gWSHSnU.png

Disadvantage: You'll have to do this every time you want to post a comment. Fix for that: Creating a UserContent.css. But if this gets fixed soon, it's not really worth the effort.

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6/2/2015 11:51:31 am

Thanks a lot for the advice! The fields appear to be back, but it may be an intermittent thing. If it happens again, I'll try to remember your instructions!

HaimReviews

6/2/2015 01:37:52 am

Love that movie! Saw it in theatre and now got the DVD! Laugh every time haha

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6/1/2015 05:16:11 pm

U poor Bastard Brad, with ur ailment, whyd u have to sit through this?

Rob

6/1/2015 05:20:59 pm

RIP black sweatshirt

Chief Inquisitor Stulte

6/1/2015 07:57:52 pm

It is called "AFRICAN AMERICAN SWEATSHIRT", thank you very much.

And that you are saying "RIP" is offensive to me, because I am a Buddhist, and beleive in reincarnation. And people of other beliefs and non-beliefs can also be offended. Such wording is triggering to me.

Will somebody please think of the diversity!

As chief diversity officer on this site I am telling you to take that comment back!

Man Power

6/2/2015 12:27:14 am

HAHA!! It's funny cuz it sounds just like so many other REAL people out there that say the same thing! Stupid liberals, am I right or what?

outhouserat

6/9/2015 07:48:56 am

Thank you for reminding us all of the suffering and persecution of the white Christian heterosexual male.

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6/1/2015 05:21:44 pm

I had no idea there was a third one to begin with!

HungryHippo

6/1/2015 05:37:23 pm

Either Brad has superhuman healing, or this was filmed prior to the accident.

Speaking of that, was fracturing your shoulder less painful than this movie?

Brad

6/1/2015 05:41:58 pm

This was filmed this evening. There's still quite a bit of soreness in the shoulder. The stitches came off earlier, so half of my eyebrow is missing, it's still really numb and there's a nice big bump on it =) I had a headache from hell most of the day, which didn't make watching the movie any easier, but the shoulder fracture was definitely more painful than the movie lol, that's some of the most pain in recent memory.

HungryHippo

6/1/2015 06:05:09 pm

Holy nuts, you clean up fast.

But don't push yourself Brad. Limit to only 2-3 nunsploitation/nazisploitation movies a day.

Nick Michalak

6/1/2015 06:08:49 pm

I could see the half eyebrow, and was just surprised that the sling was gone. Glad to see the mess of last week is far less apparent, cosmetically, this week. Still, best wishes on soothing the rest of your pains, not the least of which being this movie.

nancysnightmare

6/1/2015 06:22:06 pm

Stupid me for not refreshing the page. But wow you healed so well and the function of your arm was pretty impressive too! You look great! Hopefully you'll be feeling better soon.

meatz666

6/2/2015 12:03:00 pm

Brad, I believe you hurt the same shoulder, right? The one you busted during the Stalone movie?
You should let the doctor/veterinary from Zombie 90 take a look at it.

Millennium Hand and Shrimp

6/2/2015 03:05:43 am

Fuck me I knew it!!!
Brad is Wolverine :O
Look at the facts:
1. Hairy as grandma's bikini line
2. Short as a midget
3. Incredible healing factor
And while he might not be Canadian, he often hangs out with one... so he might as well be one as well.
Case closed.

atom smasher

6/2/2015 10:22:15 am

Plus his constant video postings are the reviewer equivalent of appearing in twelve X-titles and Avengers books at once.

angelique_sp

6/3/2015 08:52:20 am

Incredible work, Holmes! That's an even better conclusion than Fuzz-ball Jerrid = Bigfoot! (Seriously.... Jerrid's fur patches make Brad's bod look balder than Yul Brynner's head.)

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6/1/2015 05:53:25 pm

You look like you are healing...hope your shoulder is feeling better. :)

nancysnightmare

6/1/2015 06:05:59 pm

Did you shoot this video before or after your accident?

Miranda

6/1/2015 06:22:29 pm

I suppose you're feeling better! I noticed your half-an-eyebrow a minute into this and figured you got your stitches taken out, here's hoping for that scar to be rad! :)

As for the movie almost putting you to sleep, considering your past few weeks-- you could use it. Though that doesn't really speak well for the movie that the only good thing to note is that it gave you relief from trips and falls and actual road-type trips. (quick: congratulations to you and Violet! <3 I told her this on Tumblr already but I hadn't told you yet so this is that!)

Can't wait to see who goes to see Spy this week! (guessing since, if I'm not mistaking, Insidious: Chapter 3 is this week too that it's gonna be a Dave/Irving/Sarah trio at Spy and you and Brian at Insidious)

Generic Internet Commenter

6/1/2015 06:37:44 pm

Hey, what about that Human Spider movie you guys were making? Surely there must be a sequel to that!

Sho

6/1/2015 06:50:25 pm

I expected the face to heal up fast, but your shoulder looks much better from the amount of gesticulation you're doing. Get a lady friend to draw your eyebrow and you'd be all set for filming whatever you please. I just hope you don't have too much lingering pain until it's completely healed.

Oliver Smith

6/1/2015 07:41:30 pm

Looks like you healed up a lot faster compared to the other films. Hope you feel more better.

Oliver Smith

6/1/2015 07:48:02 pm

Pretty sure watching this film might not be the best choice for your condition. Probably Jurassic World might help you out.

serbianfilmrocksyo

6/1/2015 08:02:54 pm

God that movie sounds horrible. Nothing annoys me more than an artist fellating themselves in their own art. Why is it that the least talented people seem to have the largest and most unmanageable egos?

Also not to get political but the largest group of prison inmates by crime are non-violent drug offenders. So either Tom Six didn't do a google search to see what the prison population is (most likely case) or he is saying that people who weren't violent and have addiction problems can be fixed by sewing people ass to mouth.

Phill

6/1/2015 10:51:04 pm

''He's gonna sew us together ass to ass. ASSSSSS TO ASSSSSSS!''

I know people don't like Jake any more, but I still think that was freaking hilarious

Monster Khan

6/1/2015 10:58:32 pm

They should remake Ed Wood's "Bride of the Monster" and have Dieter Laser play Dr. Eric Vornoff, which was originally played by Bela Lugosi. And then have Tommy Tiny Lister play Lobo. Now that would make for awesome B-Movie remake!

William Wong

6/2/2015 01:09:49 am

Please watch and review Kung Fury!!!

Tim

6/2/2015 03:17:54 pm

Hell yeah! Brad, we need a vlog review of Kung Fury. Hell, if you didn't have you cutoff date, you could do a pretty epic Snob episode on Kung Fury.

Miguel

6/3/2015 12:16:07 pm

Brad should also check out both seasons of Danger 5. The 1st season is a parody of Thunderbirds and '60s spy movies and shows, and the 2nd season is pure '80s insanity. It truly is an amazing series and deserves just as much publicity as Kung Fury.

Here's a clip if you need to be sold:
https://youtu.be/wYPNSOlWByg

Daemian Lucifer

6/2/2015 03:00:16 am

The human centipede trilogy is over.Next project:The human millipede trilogy!

Matrim

6/5/2015 06:14:16 am

Already did it, technically all the centipedes were millipedes. Centipedes only have one pair of limbs per body segment and always have an odd number of pairs of legs.

Longinus

6/2/2015 03:40:55 am

Looks like Brad got a hold of some of the Steve Rogers' Super Soldier Serum to be healing up that fast

MikeK

6/2/2015 04:00:02 am

Poor Brad, you watched garbage for us.

Snailicorn

6/2/2015 04:25:27 am

2:20

"One thing leads to another, I'm suckin' ass." -Brad Jones, 2015

Jraptor

6/2/2015 06:18:49 am

They missed a big idea here (or maybe I wasn't paying close enough attention).
Since the centipede would need some liquid, as well as the delicious feces as solid food, they should have re-routed the urethra so it also exited into the mouth. The women wouldn't be a problem, but the men could have their penis's sewn into the rear segments mouth, or simply cut off so the urethra would be located about where a woman's is. That would provide plenty of urine for the rear segment to drink!

Lermont

6/2/2015 06:30:19 am

Where's the third Snob-Spoony parody trailer at? You need to complete the trilogy!

Barry The Master Of Sandwich

6/2/2015 08:44:04 am

So, uh....The movie isn't good.

I'm not surprised at all!

6/2/2015 10:34:47 am

I swear to God, the miserable movie would be under 40 minutes if Dieter Laser didn't hold out every syllable for 20+ seconds. And in the scene where you get the entire centipede wide shot, the centipede looks likes its overlayed onto the landscape digitally, while not properly to scale. On one of those wide shots, you can actually see the centipede and the background move separately, as if the camera moved and no one tracked the motion when digitally adding the not-to-scale centipede. Ugg. I found that more atrocious than anything in this. It was soooo tame.

sean270674

6/2/2015 10:49:54 am

Will you be making Human Spider 3 then?

6/2/2015 11:57:05 am

Human-Lloydo-pede?! What a great idea for a Lloyd episode! You should pitch it to the Lloyd cartoon writers: Lloyd gets a missing persons case where he inadvertently becomes part of a nefarious plot by a crazed movie critic who hates the The Human Centipede movies because he finds it implausible, and after an anonymous commenter posts calling him an anal retentive shit-eating douchebag for his review, he goes nuts and is now determined to prove the concept is impossible by actually building a human centipede. When he builds one, with Lloyd in the middle, it actually works, and he goes even more insane, and plans to make a longer one so it would fail. Lloyd's gal friday saves the day, but the The Critic gets away. Thus, Lloyd "solves" the case of several missing persons - but not without a bad taste in his mouth. The end.

meatz666

6/2/2015 11:57:20 am

It's cute to sse you with 67% of eyebrows... :)

Andy

6/2/2015 12:46:22 pm

Sounds like Salo will remain unchallenged as the Citizen Kane of shit eating for a while longer.

Really, when First Sequence came out, I thought "they are really going to try to do sequels do this?!" Shock value is kind of the main thing it had going for it, and now it seems like they just tried to coast on that.

SlaverBrianFan

6/2/2015 01:52:50 pm

wow, Brad you're lookin' good!

RandyPan

6/2/2015 02:51:55 pm

That still looks like dominoes.

6/2/2015 03:50:45 pm

Congrats on hosting TromaDance.

KayMeep

6/2/2015 05:37:05 pm

You shouldn't have said "Human Lloydepede." I fear something terrible is going to come of that. Unless that's what you want.

Daemian Lucifer

6/3/2015 02:11:50 am

Im sure Brad has woken up at least once to be greeted with a sight of Lloyds ass in his face.Cats are sadistic like that.

angelique_sp

6/3/2015 08:58:28 am

LOL :)
Well, that is how they show their love for you: "Oh I missed you so much Big Daddy, so.... Ass."
(Missing my meese.... sigh)

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6/2/2015 07:14:43 pm

I'm just gonna say I completely disagree with your assessment of this film.

Allah Munatti

6/3/2015 12:13:32 pm

I just wanted to say that Crystal Pepsi does not have magical healing properties, so everyone can get that silly idea out of their heads right now.

Mr.LokiPoki

6/4/2015 07:52:29 pm

This one was amazingly boring compared to the first two. I nodded off at least 2 times while watching it.

Chris

7/8/2015 02:17:12 pm

Um, is this how you end a series? Like, is this where we GO from here?

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1/2/2016 03:44:09 am

This is why I come to this website for these movie reviews and this one was absolutely awesome. Mr.Jones hit everything on the head with this movie. It's mainly an hour and 30 minutes or so of the Human Centipede killing any credibility it had as horror film by turning into a B movie that would put Asylum films to shame.

Although I will say my favorite was the 2nd movie in the series because it was creative. The filmography was artistic, the main character was interesting because he never spoke, the gore in it was different from any horror movie I've ever seen. Most notably the woman giving birth scene where she steps on her fetus trying to escape. It was a creative horror film.

The human centipede 3 takes 2 good actors the Doctor from the first film, and the Obsessed Psychopath from the second film and puts them in these terribly scripted roles that completely derails their previous work in the films series. The 3rd film is just cartoonish and irritating to watch.

The only notable part about the film is that they casted Bree Olson in it. I don't recall any horror movies with a porn star as one of the top billing actors...of course in the human centipede series why not? Nothing in the film makes much sense as it is and isn't of much entertainment value. Primarily it's nothing more than listening to a bunch of unintelligible shouting and a bunch of dark humor that in no way funny or entertaining.

I will note that the film is so bad I see in a lot of reviews people barely can make out what was going on at certain parts. The secretary Bree Olson wasn't supposed to be in the Centipede, she was put into it by accident that's why the Warden was surprised when the Governor pointed her out. It was just one of those "shock value" things thrown into the movie but honestly the film so bad by that point who cares about the reasons why... you just want the film to be over if you make it that far. Her character was a woman who became the wardens sex slave basically in exchange for her fathers freedom I think she was the only character anyone cared about because she was the only interesting character...and that's not saying much at all.

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