I'm not going to say I'm first
Yes. I will be watching this video when I can afford to watch the new Terminator.
Because, though I love that you Snob topical movies, then I just know that you will spoil Terminator Genysis, as you spoiled The Lone Ranger and Star Trek 2 (while these still was playing in the cinemas).
Terminator: Genysis isn't out yet, so I haven't seen it. All I say about it is that it's a movie, and it's rated PG-13. And for the 1000th damn time, what I said about The Lone Ranger was the plot summary that was in the trailer for the film. That's not a spoiler, unless you consider the movie's bare bones plot a spoiler.
At this point you might've got less flak killing a dog than for "spoiling" The Lone Ranger. In the eyes of the internet, you're the equivalent to Hitler. Good day, sir.
who even Saw lone ranger?
besides, is it really so bad spoiling a movie not worth a shit in the first place? hey guys, johnny kills himself at the end of "the room".
Wait, Brad have you been doing midnight reviews since 1982? Cause that's when Star Trek 2 came out. :P
What spoilers? If you've watched the trailer you've seen a lot of what goes on so really stop whining about stupid shit that nobody cares about.
And just in case:
The mother in Psycho was Norman Bates in drag.
Rosebud was his sled.
Tyler Durden wasn't real.
The Planet of the Apes was actually Earth all along.
In Chinatown we find out that Evelyn's sister is also her daughter.
Jason's mother was the killer in the first Friday the 13th movie.
Darth Vader is Luke's father.
Verbal Kint is Keyser Soze.
Brad Pitt's character is the final sin of Wrath.
Aaron Stamper in "Primal Fear" didn't have multiple personality disorder.
Billy and Stu were both the murderers in Scream.
Everything that went on in "The Game" was actually part of the Game.
Azazel manages to escape at the end of "Fallen".
Bruce Willis was a ghost the whole time.
Leonard killed his wife in Memento.
Nicole Kidman and her kids were ghosts the whole time in "The Others".
The village in "The Village" is actually set in modern times.
Jigsaw was the "dead" body lying on the floor.
Borden had a twin brother in "The Prestige" while Angier created clones which were then killed at the end of every performance.
Esther is actually a 33 year old prostitute in "The Orphan".
Leonardo DiCaprio is the mental patient they're looking for in "Shutter Island".
Did I miss any?
Sorry, responded to the wrong comment. I meant that for the jackass you were responding to Brad.
Totes respect for you for watching those movies too terrible for the rest of us to watch.
Haha, spoiling movies is funeee!!
Brad, I like your videos, that is all.
snape kills dumbledore
But you do know that Bruce Willis was a ghost all along, right?
The chick in The Crying Game was really a man.
(Does anybody even care about this movie anymore?)
Yeah, I think one of the vampires at the Titty Twister told me that.
Oh and yeah, there are vampires at this Mexican strip joint apparently. Maybe I should have actually watched trailers or something beforehand so this wouldn't have caught me off guard.
And snape killed trinity with rosebud.Then it turned out they were both tyler durden.
The women pretending to be Marlene Dietrich´s characters sister is actually herself.
Donal Sutherland has been turned into one of the pod people.
The terrorists are actually just robbers.
Tim Robbins character actually died and the whole movie has been a vision on his deathbed.
The woman seeing all those ghosts actually didn´t surive the incident at the bridge.
Djangos coffin contains a machine gun.
Angela is a boy.
Indiana was the name of the dog.
Also, Superman kills Zod. But it's Christopher Reeve's Superman, so it's okay.
I don't see how he could spoil the movie any more than the trailer already has.
This. It's one of the most spoiler-heavy trailers I've ever seen...
What could possible have happened in "The Lone Ranger" that COULD be spoiled? We all knew it was awful going in. :)
No, people just said the Lone Ranger is bad because they listened to the critics bashing its budget instead of evaluating it on its own merits and forming their own opinions.
Man with no money, stay off the internet since you really don't seem to have any common sense. If you looked up The Lone Ranger on Wikipedia, you'll get an even longer plot summery than what Brad said. JayRam, Go back to Tumblr kid. When you watch videos like this, you can't judge them based on one video, you have to watch a good portion so you can get a good idea of how they do things, like what type of humor do they use. So people don't think he's Hitler, if they do, they're probably Tumblr kids. I say Tumblr since the vast majority of them are really sensitive about the dumbest shit. If they really think he's Hitler for something so stupid, they either need to watch more Cinema Snob, or just go somewhere else. He has enough shit on his plate, so adding stupid people to the list, isn't helping.
I'd let brad penetrate me all day.
Mmm.. Amen to that.
Nice to see you back to doing what you do best!
Jon Jeremy's acting reminds me a little too much of Hornio Brothers...
This made me flash back to the early 90s when John Goodman was hosting Saturday Night Live and in a sketch as a fertility doctor who was found guilty of using his own semen to father 75 kids and ordered to star in a family sitcom called "My 75 kids". One of his children gets in a fight at school because someone called Goodman The Sperminator
Haha I had to go look that up, that was fantastic.
The name of that doctor is Cecil Jacobson, BTW.
I have actually watched this movie 18 years ago in England when I was a callow youth. It was the first porno I ever witnessed.
You poor thing. Nobody should have to say their first porn was a Ron Jeremy film...
You think that's bad, in England they actually cut out all the instances of penetration from "The Penetrator". :(
I smell new Brad Tries episode
You should make an episode on Halloweenie guest starring Halloweenie. It would be magical.
To me people can like whatever they want, but in my opinion, Phelous is really annoying along with his retarded meta humor. Lupa as well, I don't get why Brad would do anything with them. They do things in such a dumb, childish way. Brad is more adult oriented, so they don't mix well. Granted if you like that stuff, cool, but I personally don't. And Brad would be the guest on Halloweenie. Halloweenie can't be a guest on his own show.
That's just, like, your opinion, man.
Oh, so you support the Walker Brother's sexist ways of firing Lupa from the site? You Channel Awesome Fans sicken me to no end.
I'm sorry, but it's hard to take your argument seriously because you're telling Brad what he can and can't do in his own website. He's a big kid now, he can drink, he pays his taxes, and he can make decisions without you holding his hand.
@hI Love To Hear Myself Talk
No, it's because Lupa and Phelous are assholes. Not "sexism" -- and the word you're looking for isn't "sexism", it's "misogyny", and it's not that, either.
Sexism = "Hey, baby, all you're good for is a pair of hooters"
Misogyny = "Women are good for nothing"
Also, no one's getting paid for posting their videos on Channel Awesome. You can't "fire" someone from the site unless they're a paid employee. The people who work on Doug's videos are paid by Channel Awesome -- the people who make videos for the site are not, and only make the ad revenue from Blip/YouTube.
Roll Fizzlebeef! Sorry, force of habit.
So, can Lloyd-1000 guest appear on the upcoming Terminator screening? Maybe a cyber-kitty will make up for their PG-13 rating (...whyyyy??)
Is the next one going to be 'Honey, I Blew Everybody'? I'm surprised you didn't get to San Fernando Jones and the Temple of Poon or Cheeks and Thong's Up In Stroke first, to be honest.
Anyone else think Craig and Brad could be twins? Mrs Onan says there's a slight resemblance but it's easy to tell them apart because Brad usually wears a baseball cap and Craig is more debonair. .
I think we've ALL sent Brad a fuck request at some point.
well... looks better than Terminator 3.
I remember this from ET the Porno. It's nice to see it finally reviewed.
Ron Jeremy and dueling banjos. I gotta ask when we'll see Deliverence being reviewed?
I wonder what The Penetrator 2 would be like? Does the T-1000 show off his liquid-forming penis?
That sounds like it'd be more of a hentai.
Spoof after spoof, these creations never stop amazing me. Good job once again Snob, for bringing methe much needed laughter totally saves my day :)
Sayyyy... The weirdest thing to make a spoof of would perhaps be The Name of the Rose, a spoof that fortunately does not exist. But apparently there exists Pokémon porn spoof, "Strokemon", how about making a review about that one?
I don't he knows enough about Pokemon to do it, nor care. The Nostalgia Critic doesn't like Pokemon nor grew up with it, so I doubt Brad did.
I don't think he knows*
What's with the crappy catch phrase?!
Was "I have cum for you" taken?
Do Lord of Illusions. You know you want to.
These performances are an embarrassment!
And where is the character development?
Also, none of that is to mention the awful cinematography.
Wow you really must be that stupid if you think a porn is offensive. Go back to Radiodrome and die of aids.
Well, we know who else will be back, to thrust their back that is. Herp-de-derp. :-)
Well, now I know whom Wesker fucked to produce Jake...everyone.
Haven't watched the review yet but yeah... The new terminator is probably gonna suck a horses ass. I'm pretty sure hollywood is banking on the fact that the movie is called "Terminator" and teh fact that Arnold is in it. They might as well have called it "Terminator Resurrection" or some other cliche title.
It'll probably be better than Terminator Salvation. Since they're ignoring that movie entirely.
Yeah but to be fair even that movie is better than T3, awesome as the fight scenes in that movie are.
"Genesis" isn't clichéd enough for you?
Bonus points that they spell it "Genesys", (because poor literacy is kewl!)
Whine whine whine, bitch, bitch, bitch, keep whoring yourself for responses you little shit.
I just wanted to say thank you Brad for all the extremely funny videos, they have cheered me up significantly. My dad passed away today, so obviously I'm not in the best of moods. But this really has helped me out today, you made me laugh and I appreciate it. Thank you.
I knew you were gonna mention Phelous when you showed the VHS cover to Halloweenie.
Finally. Those scientists from that Robot Chicken sketch have had their dreams realised. A machine that can be fucked and will fuck back.
Man my mind breaks every time I watch a Snob video. Like humans made these movies and got payed to do it!!!!
Arnie looks like he's on that Ascent of Man poster.
A robot that can impregnate women? Is...Is that how the robot John Conner thing happens in the new movie?
Sadly, the Genisys burger did not deliver on all the action and flavor it promised. In fact, it probably had some of the least flavor of any jalapeño burger I've ever had (although I think the avocado muted a lot of the spice factor).
And yes, inb4 the internet lets me know how ashamed I should be for eating at Red Robin. At least it wasn't Applebees.
That moment when The Penetrator looks more like Duke Nukem than Ahnold.
That just makes the whole "I will come again" shtick even worse because it means it'll take too damn long for him to "come again", (you could even say it'll take him "forever"), and by the time he DOES come, it turns out it was a shitty disappointment.
...man, that joke was easier than the girls in this video.
I feel like not gender swapping the characters was a missed opportunity. Not necessarily for the sexy factor, but just think of the line parodies!
"Cum in me if you want to live."
"Fuck me, asshole."
"I'll be bareback."
He's back with the pornos!
Brad,which episode of whorecraft will you do for the next years WoW movie?
relevant video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puw_uho8RaI
I can't believe georgie orgie got christopher walken to play al bundy in a porn
Oh my god, please, do The Penetrator 2, it's one of the most over the top porns I ever watched in our High School IT Class.
Rule 34 before Rule 34!
More Terminator Cat please? :)
Brad you should do the Flintbones
Soooo... THAT was the inspiration for the "Sherminator" character from American Pie?
"I'm a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady."
Now that the overly long Anthrax diseased body you morons called the 300th episode is done, now the real reviews are back.
You should do a Snob video on The Sperimator soon.
It has the Dean from The Taming of Rebecca in a role as a therapist.
I think that Lloyd is the best Terminator to date!
I've got major problems with this review. The first of which is that Terminators are cyborgs. They have living flesh on the outside of a robot skeleton. That mean the Penetrator has an actual dick.
My second problem is that Brad didn't buy the movie. He instead stole it by watching it on a porn site known for pirated uploads. I insist my Internet Reviewers actually own the things they review even if it is no longer in production or excessively expensive. Even borrowing, renting, or using a library shouldn't count.
Oh Boo Fucking Hoo! So he downloaded a movie illegally. Is it really the end of the world if he did that? No. So stop being a little bitch and man up.
If GameFAQs has taught me anything, it's that every game guide needs a disclaimer saying the author doesn't condone piracy.
Clearly the same should apply to other mediums.
Actually, if you listen to what he said, he said it's available for free online. It's not illegal it's just there. I did a simple Google search and found it right away.
I would guess that even porn movies have public domain rules and this movie is clearly pretty old.
When I was doing movie reviews, I had to download the movies from torrents because there was no way for me to rip video files off a DVD -- I never found a DVD ripper that was compatible with the operating system I was using at the time. So don't hate on the reviewers for "stealing". Besides, it's not really theft, as the original hasn't been ripped off. When someone downloads a copy, they're using a copy of a property, not the actual property. And legally/morally, torrents/file sharing more falls along the lines of some dude lending you his copy of the movie. Plus, if it weren't for bootlegs, I would have never seen some of the obscure flicks that have never been released to the public.
Also, you haven't seen the reviews of "Grizzly II" or "Song of the South"?
Also, I forgot to mention it, but, for the record, there's no such rule that says that you can't review something you borrowed from a library or rented. Seriously? How would Doug Walker have reviewed "Battlefield Earth" or "The Cat in the Hat" if he didn't rent those movies? You think anyone would want copies of those movies lying around their house?
Just wondering brad, but why doesn't all of your snob videos get uploaded to the league of super critics youtube channel anymore? Lucky I follow you on twitter and have this site bookmarked otherwise I would be oblivious to releasing new content.
I remember that I couldn't find the "Exorcist II" review at all on YouTube, but that Cinema Snob episodes made after that were posted. I have to assume that happened because Warner Bros. is "cease and desist"-happy, but I don't know why the other ones are absent.
I'd joke, but honestly Ron Jeremy is easily the best actor in this porn.
All else aside the guy who played the Penetrator was really hot. Then I've always had a weakness for blonde guys and a thing for leather. ;)
Me and the fellas down at the shipyard were wondering if the return of a more minimalist approach and the familiar terrain of porn parody was a form of intellectual retreat after the debacle of "Heaven's Gate review" or an affirmation of the potency of vulgarian immediacy when faced with the post-structural loss of meaning in a fractured idiom where even the notion that there can even be an "idiom" could itself be legitimately questioned , To be honest, I concluded that it was either stupidly clever or cleverly stupid.
you are awesome...im sure you have plenty people sucking you ego cock but please keep being you (and also keep cinema snob being a...snob)
And Brad would be the guest on Halloweenie
I seriously lol at 16:18, man now i can't stop thinking of what Arnold schwarzenegger sounds like when he has sex "shudder"
I'm gay and not even I would want to think about or imagine what that would sound like. If I had to guess I would say it sounds like a wounded animal. :)
@Issac Nope I know people (including my own sister) who went into the "Lone Ranger" a fan of the original and knowing nothing about this version and left hating it.
She especially, didn't like what they did with the relationship between the main characters, pretty much flipping their roles because they hired a bigger actor to play a character who is, traditionally a sidekick.
It would be like hiring a bigger actor to play Robin than the one playing Batman then making Robin the one who calls all the shots and tells Batman what to do.
Well I always hated the original's condescendingly racist treatment of Native Americans, so I welcomed the changes.
I can understand that and I DO agree. However, I think they went a bit too far and changed the whole dynamic of the characters. There are ways you make the character more palatable to modern audiences without having to totally upend their dynamic.
I would think having them be much more equal and having them both come up with plans and whatever would work better than, as I heard the movie did, making the Lone Ranger (the hero of the story) a total buffoon who can't do anything without Tanto telling him how.
And seriously Johnny Depp was not the first supporting actor to get star billing. Remember Jack Nicholson in Batman?
and that would be an apt compairsion if Jack Nicholson was playing Robin. I didn't see the movie but my sister (a long time Lone Ranger fan) did and from what she (and others said) it was like Tonto was the one in charge and the Lone Ranger was the sidekick which is totally backwards.
I can understand wanting to get away from the way the character was portrayed in the past (believe me I do) but it sounds like they went way, way overboard.
I don't know who thought casting a bigger star to play Tanto than the one playing the Lone Ranger was a good idea but it really, really wasn't.
This porn-spoof.... I don't even know how to feel.
I just know that the jokes about the pop-ups cracked me up more than anything has in a while.
Some of the older archived videos of 2009 were brought over from the youtube account before thecinemasnob.com was created, so please forgive the lesser video quality of such as some did not transfer well.