That was not the intro music I was expecting out of John Holmes.
Woah, Brad looks ripped.
We gonna see the return of Kung Tai ted
Would've been interesting to have the movie intro start with the words: This one time...at band camp.
Just review 'Demonwarp' already!
I know Film Brain is missing a line at the end, I'm fixing it now.
Will you be giving Silent Film Brain old timey subtitles and piano music?
You should leave it as it, Film Brain always is best left muted.
No, that's Professor Celluloid. It might be different if the man could enunciate.
Damn bastard Film Brain, I thought we'd finally get Card Shark!
So, was there supposed to be no audio for most of that conversation with Film Brain?
See above comment.
Okay I'll do that
*looks at comment above*
It says "That's true!" (as of writing this), which must mean that it is true that there is supposed to be no audio for most of the conversation.
Wait wait, no it just means I'm an asshole... sigh
Only through the elimination of violence can we achieve world peace.
I got a Cinema Snob poster in the mail today! I was not expecting it, though, as I thought I didn't qualify.
Anyway, the poster is awesome, and it's now hanging in my living room.
Regarding this movie, it feels like something Obscurus Lupa would have reviewed.
Holy crap. I just looked it up, and saw that Lupa DID review this movie. I thought I recognized the music....
Cool to see the Snob's take on it, relative to what I had previously seen. It's good to get multiple perspectives.
In that case, check out redlettermedia.com they also did a review of the movie. It was hilarious
I got my poster in the mail too, along with the Blu-Ray copy of this movie I ordered from Drafthouse Films.
Talk about coincidences...
The only thing that could make this movie better is if the ninjas played card games.
This movie is so atrocious, it's not even funny. But your review was. The flick is the absolute bottom of the American martial arts film barrel. A guy once said to me that American Ninja was just cheesy B-movie schlock. I told him to watch No Retreat, No Surrender, and if he thought that was bad, then to watch American Kickboxer 1, and if he thought that was bad then to watch Miami Connection... and then come back and tell me that American Ninja in comparison is nothing short of a masterpiece of filmmaking.
Stop making this about yourself and go bitch about it on Something Awful or wherever your kind like to bitch.
Poor Kung Tai Ted.
I like The Miami Connection. It's a fun movie and the real friendship of the main characters helps them overcome their inexperience with acting.
Brad is developing quite the distinguished widow's peak. For Halloween, Brad needs to be Michael Ironside as Richter from Total Recall.
I guess then we'd see him at the party <.<
Am I the only one that recognized this opening from Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon's ending??
No, I recognized it as well.
No offense Brad, but I'm totally fine with less of Film Brain's voice in anything.
Hey, Kung Tai Ted is back! :)
And he can't walk. :'(
Hey Brad, will we ever see Black Angus in all it's blaxplotation glory?
Heh. The exec. producer's name is Dick Park!
Fuck yeah the Miami connection! this is legitimately one of my favorite movies
Parts of this were filmed at UCF! Go Knights!
I can confirm the coke in Orlando...don't go west of OBT.
Kung Tai Ted? Wheres cinema bum to!?
he died in The Boggy Creek review. He was beaten to death by Travis Crabtree.
God I love this fuckin' movie so much
Let's be friends for eternity
SURPRISE, Mullet on your tits!
...and that's why I'm not allowed at the beach anymore.
Shave the hair off Buck, you look like cancer
You deleted my comment? What a prick! You just lost a fan!
Considering some of the comments he doesn't delete, I can only assume whatever you said was pretty bad. Perhaps you should reconsider who the real prick is here.
You'd think so right? All I said was that I wasn't going to watch this until Jake is unfired. Can't believe Brad fired him!
Jeez J-Debs, it's almost like you don't know what happened behind the scenes or something.
And you do? I know that Jake was fired. Rayn said so herself.
You don't know the story dude. He's not coming back. Deal with it.
And no one of value was lost. Bye J-Debs and why don't you go fuck yourself with a rusty screwdriver.
"Waaahhh! Don't talk bad about our lord and savior!"
Jake was fired? When was this announced? Is there a snob blog or something?
Wish I never supported this asshole
I hear you, and it kinda sounds like this:
Than Don't support him. Please go else where, no one cares that you want Jake to comeback. He's gone, and he isn't coming back, accept it. Just move on.
Oh go complain about it on YouTube or whatever your kind do.
Wha....what happened to Kung Tai Ted? Did I miss something?
Soooooo, is Vick Dealio on life support & 80's Dan in a coma?!
So Brad do you actually like this movie? This is the first time I saw one of your reviews where I saw the movie first. I kinda love it.
Except for the friday the 13 movies...and zombi...and house by the cemetery...shit.
This music was not so bad at all. Even kinda catchy.
Well at least now I know where the ending theme from Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon is from.
I didn't post this.
So, so happy to see this. I emailed Brad 4/23/14 asking if he would ever do this film, and lo and behold, a year to the date, here it is. Can't wait to watch this tonight.
Incidentally, I was a student at Y.K. Kim's Tae Kwon Do when he made this film (this was when I was in middle school, so around 1986). Though I didn't get a chance to see it until it was streaming on Netflix. I got a real kick out of seeing Kyobo Nim Haerter (who was the instructor at the location I went to off of 17-92 near Winter Park). In the film, he was a "bad guy," but he was one of the best teachers I've had in my life.
I also find it strange that Kim went on to being a motivational speaker. I'd only see him at belt testings, and his English was not the greatest.
Yeah me too!
I was in HS in '86, over on the Space Coast, and you couldn't swing a nun-chuck without seeing Kim's cheese-tastic ads on TV..... but this....this takes the cake (and smashes you in the face with it!)
Ninjas can make even Orlando look cool.
Speaking of movie ideas you've had, Brad, when can we see Shot On Shitteo?
It's going to be another case of Superman Lives.
It will linger in development hell for years, get rewritten a couple of times, and finally Kevin Smith will come forward and tell an amusing anecdote about it, or in this case it will probably be Slaver Brian.
At this point, we all have a better chance seeing Jerry Lewis' The Day the Clown Cried released than SoS.
I'm sure it will be out before that Pop Quiz Hot Shot gameshow on Channel Awesome ever gets its first episode out.
Poor Ted... First he loses the use of his legs, now it's his piano key tie headband!
He MUST be avenged!
Man this makes me miss old style lupa. I remember watching her review of this...
Kung Tai Ted lives! Sort of. I'm sure he could use his mastery of eastern special effects to return to full form one day.
TED QUILA BONETTI..... REALLY? I have to wonder if you are going to make a buddy cop show with lloyd as your partner.
OH GOD KUNG KAI TED!!!
The Cinema Snob universe got DARK this year. First the BM Show is trapped and they ate Jerrid, now KKT is crippled! How can you be so cruel Brad!
Wait, what? When did I miss this Bruno Mattei/Jerrid stuff?
In Hell of the Living Dead review he remembered there was already a show that talekd about Bruno Mattei movies. Then it showed Brad and Sarah locked in a basement wondering when they'd get let out and they said they already ate the camera man. Jerrid was the camera man in the Bruno Mattei Show.
Brad's being pretty harsh to his old characters. Soon we'll learn Vic Dealio was sued into bankruptcy by the Big Box Model, 80's Dan killed himself after watching the Star Wars Special Editions, and Flaming Brian got his jaw ripped off by a gorilla.
(Yes, I know Brad's planning an 80's Dan movie.)
This'll tide me over until the Rifftrax Live version comes out later this summer.
Damn. This movie felt like 3 Ninjas High Noon at Mega Mountain bad. Godfrey Ho should have gotten involved.
I'm surprised you didn't mention the Rifftrax live riff of this movie during the summer
Okay, after the "Tough Guy" scene, suddenly, I want you to Snob "Stone Cold".
Is it me or is every character but the cinema snob getting fucked by life in a way
Cinema Bum got murdered
80s Dan got arrested
And now Poor Ted
Did that dude seriously just say don't "bothel" us? Come on, man!
Hey, you paid for the fucking cursed wheelchair you're going to use the fucking cursed wheelchair!
At least Ted can make those sweet jumps on that wheelchair now.
THAT WAS PHANTASM "RINGTONE", WASN'T IT! You, sir, have just made my day. :)
By the way, this whole Tequila and Bonetti teasing better turn into a DVD-R from Hell episode one of these days. Pretty please with a sugar on top? :)
I thought It was the theme from Suspiria.
Definitely Suspiria. That song haunts my soul...In a good way
Good to know I'm not the only one with Suspiria as a ringtone.
I honestly hadn't heard of this movie until I saw that the Rifftrack guys were going to be riffing it live in theaters later this year, which was just about a week ago. Weird coincidence that the Snob did an episode on it. Orrrrrrr it's not a coincidence at all. Either way, great episode!
lupa may of did it first, but you did it better
Kung Tai Ted is a cripple? Well that's fucking depressing!
Hey, Brad. Are you planning on seeing It Follows?
World Peace Motherfucker!!!
As a resident of Miami, I can confirm that Dragon Sound is the only thing curbing our extreme cocaine-smuggling biker ninjas problem.
Holy shit was that the Blood Dragon theme?
Glad to see that your back. I understand that you recently went through a depression, and everyone who was bitching about no Snob episodes are insensitive fucks.
Wish I could support you on Patreon, but I'm a student and have no money. I love my Nudies, Rudies, and Crudies, DVD, though.
Jesus Christ Brad, what the fell Kung Tai Ted ever done do you?
Obviously... he recommended Riki-Oh. I'm surprised so many people don't remember that review, that's why Ted's in the wheelchair, the snob shot him.
Actually Ted was in perfect walking condition in both the Pieces video and the Solomon arc. Yes I'm arguing about continuity for a video series of a guy talking about kung fu movies in his pajamas.
Actually, I'm surprised that Brian (who did such an AWESOME job as a Stand-in during that mega-battle) wasn't ALSO in his own 'stand-in' wheelchair, lol
Brad, you need to see Death Promise if you haven’t already (and I suspect you have). It is to the 70s what this film is to the 80s. Watched it with a friend one weekend with absolutely no idea what we were in for. It quickly became our favourite thing ever.
I paid to see this in a theatre. Coincidentally ended up seated next to friends and people who have since become friends. Totally worth the ticket price!
Wow! That's the best bad music I've heard since Frostbiter: Wrath of the Wendigo. It's like something from South Park. except it's actually being serious. Please tell me the soundtrack is on sale somewhere.
Actually, you can get the soundtrack if you buy the movie on Miamiconnection dot org! Looks like it's only $6 for that combo too 'v'b
Thanks, I'll check it out.
Wow. Holy shit. I love the dick version of Film Brain.
Me too. I am digging Bastard Film Brain!
I wonder if Pocket Ninjas is too recent for the Snob to... er snob.
That Kung Ti Ted reference....Hurt.
im not the only one who thinks FIlm Brain has successfully channeled Nic Cage, am i?
As to that Kung Tai Ted scene....
Brad's face immediately popped into my brain yelling "FUCKING DARK!"
Nice gut hit in 'da feels'...
OMG my ringtone is the Suspiria theme too. You beautiful beautiful man
Brad: "And then I'm going to say 'training' because there's trains in the background"
Jake: "That's it! It's either me or train puns!"
Brad: "Give me some time. I need to choo choo on this."
Jake: "DSFAHJFADSHKFDSAHFDSH" (storms off)
Brad: "You're going off the rails again!"
Jake: *slams door*
Brad:"Now that's no way to conduct yourself."
Jake: *Gets in the car*
Brad: "Would it help if I did Mr. Sun? He helps get your breakfast on the right track"
Jake: *Drives off*
Brad: "................shit, now I'm out of train puns"
NINJAS! COME OUT AND PLAY!!
Actually, I like the idea of Godfrey Ho directing Lost. All flashbacks include ninja fights!
Also, poor Kung Tai Ted :( Forced into retirement!
Looks like Brad got rid of carriage returns along with Jake.
Poor Kung Tai Ted. It's a shame he won't be doing any Kung Fu-ing anymore.
References to Carman AND The Buttercream Gang? Brad I love you.
Ha I'm kind of shocked to find out that the "friends" song here is an actual song that wasn't a complete joke. Heard it in Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon and I thought they recorded it themselves as a parody song for the game.
Isn't it terrible to think even with its childlike simple lyrics, the soundtrack is still better than any other ninja movies!
....that kung tai ted scene made me very sad, actually
that's one video I won't be able to watch again
Now I want to see "Whatever happened to Kung Tai Ted"
This movie kind of reminded me of the South Koran film called Dachimawa Lee (2008). Maybe there are a some kind of sub genres from there.
An Eighties ninja film that doesn't involve Sho Kosugi?!?
I didn't think such a thing existed!!!
Brother of main girl bad guy looks like the love child of Charles Manson and cocaine period Martin Scorsese!
Brad, what the hell? Charles Manson's folk music is fucking awesome.
Also no Leo Fong in this film? I prefer real poop, thank you very much
Great review. I would also recommend everyone see the reviews of this done by Obscurus Lupa (Alison Pregler) and The Cine-Masochist (Petar Gagic), as well as episode of 'Best of the Worst' by RedLetterMedia that has covered this movie.
I can't get that friend song out of my head. It's magical and fucking glorious.
Watched this on Rifftrax Live, had to come back here and watch it again.
@ 10:27 - I'd want to make a Purple Dragons joke, but then again they acted more like an actual gang and not a mob of hicks.
Some of the older archived videos of 2009 were brought over from the youtube account before thecinemasnob.com was created, so please forgive the lesser video quality of such as some did not transfer well.