Are you ever going to review Heaven's Gate for the show? It's perfect "What the FUCK Hollywood gold. Will you do it sometime soon or are you saving it for your next anniversary video?
Too mainstream, isn't it? I mean why review something that's referenced on the site all the time anyway?
Bring on the obscure, the shot on shitteo, the amateur stuff. That deserves the limelight.
Yeah but I think obscure and limelight are oxymorons. xD
Um... Caligula, Sgt Pepper, The Lonely Lady, The Conqueror, Two of a Kind, Hercules, Musical March... It's not exactly outside his realm.
I think we know THE FUCK, Hollywood was thinking with that.
I'm waiting for 1989's "Clownhouse". Especially after watching this review.
I had the exact same thought when I saw the title card!
Also its telling when a no-budget kids film scars me more than getting ass blood on my face from a 300 lb. woman being whipped, while a dead-ringer Scott Steiner is spanking a butt naked 29 year old male.
Obligatory "DAMN YOU BLIP!" post.
Hehehehe I win.
Apparently "NOPE!!!!!" is the answer to "Will Blip let me watch this video?"
"this video is temporarily unavailable" blip continues to troll us week after week with this shit and they think it's fucking hilarious!
So is this worse then In Search of the Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo?
Wow, did you remember that title without looking it up?
Okay, now we're good to go... I'll take a break from The Evil Within to eat a burrito and watch apparently something very creepy.
I think after watching this review, nothing in The Evil Within will faze you anymore. Believe me, I'm playing it as well, and all I can think about now is that an internet review of some LSD fueled nightmare made me question my sanity more than this horrifying game.
Am I the only one who thinks the lady talking about the balloons in the parade kind of sounds like the mother from sleep away camp?..
I thought so too. I was expecting Brad to joke about that.
No, I totally agree. I couldn't pinpoint it while watching, but you're right. It's totally the same exact voice. And the same amount of psychotic and bad "acting"
I was waiting for Angela to appear somewhere in the parade when I heard that voice
Actually, I went in a more disturbing direction and thought it was Mink Stole.
GOD YES! All I kept thinking the whole time was, "Gee, nice to know the lady who played Angela's aunt got work after Sleep Away Camp!"
Actually, she sound like the narrator/mole lady from "Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny."
that opening song may haunt my dreams forever.
Here's an idea..why not send copies of this atrocity to parents of Wesley-like children all across the country? They'll never talk back to their elders again!....AND they'll never sleep again!...yay?
Wow. WOW. Even as a review, what few clips were shown were really hard to sit through. Holy shit, how did you find this movie, and how did you make it to the end?
Sweet holy fuck, what did I just watch?
I was mildly surprised to find that this was not an obscure fetish film, but I'm not sure if it's any better that it isn't.
Are you sure?Im sure somebody must have jacked off to it.
WHO MADE THIS FUCKING THING?!?!?!!?! THIS WAS GODDAMN CREEP AS SHIT!!!!!!
Jesus CHRIST. How come the kids' movies on this show are always more horrifying than the exploitation movies?
the underwater king's voice sounds like jeffrey tambor as oscar bluth
Wow, I tried Brad, I really tried...but goddamn this movie was just too painful to watch even as a review, I can't imagine how agonizing it must of have been to see you watch this thing in it's entirety to make this review without snapping.
I'm dressing as Admiral Crackers for Halloween.
"Release the crackers!" XD
Well this movie seems like the subject of a real-life creepypasta.
Yeah, I'm fairly certain this is an SCP of some sort. Anyone who watches it slowly has their head inflate as they turn into a balloon.
Finally there is an Snob-episode that has a length below 20 minutes, which means I am 100% certain that I will not stop it before it is done.
It is just that I have a short attention span. That is why I love the early snob episodes. Because back then it was fun with contasending and a highlight of the worst things from the movie. Now it is explaining the whole plot and lots of jokes. That means if i am totally into the thing Brad is reviewing it is the best thing ever (much better than the early episodes), but if he reviews something im not as interested in then I can follow the whole episode. But then again: I have that problem with everything. Just like my ex-girlfriend said I could even satisfy her in even 3 minutes before I was done and thinking of something else..... i never have no idea what she meant. I love balloons... but what is this....? fåk!
E.T. XXX, Hitler's Harlot, Black Love, The Geek II, Black River Monster, Godzilla's Revenge, Drive, Invasion of the Samurai Sluts from Hell, Brazilian Planet of the Apes, Driller: A Sexual Thriller, Cut Throats Nine, and Fun in Balloon Land. All these episodes are from this year, and all of them are under 20 minutes.
I'm sure your ex meant that she wanted to get totally buzzed off sugar and play in the sand.
Or you could be a subpar lover. We will never know.
Holy shit! That lady's narration of the balloon parade made me jam three forks into my skull!
I haven't laugh this hard in weeks. How did you even find this movie?
Brad, I'd like to take this time to apologize to you for my pointless arguing & also for my chicanery with the names. I watched the "Judge" review & must confess I laughed for an hour when Irving suggested I masturbate during MOS, I mean come on, no movie's THAT good! Still, funniest stuff since his Heath jokes in the "Silent Hill 2" review, so I can't really get mad. So again, I'm sorry. Moving on now. . .
Brad, have you seen or heard anything regarding that "John Doe Vigilante" movie from earlier this year? The little info I got was it wasn't good at all. Well, I love vigilante themed flicks as well as bad flicks apparently, what could be better? So what's the deal with this one? Sorry this has nothing to do with the video, again, but this has been bugging me (like an annoying commenter) for months & since you have a love for the vigilante genre I figured you'd know something.
" I mean come on, no movie's THAT good!"
Clearly you haven't seen the Snob watch "Tree of Life."
I guess this is worse than Nukie?
Not even a minute in and already im creeped the fuck out by this fucking movie.
This movie reminds me of a weed trip i was on once
obviously you havent never smoked
Thanks for another entertaining review, but I have to say this subject matter right here was some Grade A+ prime nightmare fuel. The memory of this video will haunt my imagination and dreams for some time to come like a demonic entity.
This video should maybe even come with a disclaimer, I've seen all your reviews but this one I found probably the most eerie. It wouldn't surprise me if some of the kids who watched this back in the 60's ended up growing up into serial killers from having the terrifying clown imagery burned in their minds.
I don't think there are any IMDB credits because this was made, or rather spawned, by evil spirits/demons from some other dimension, not human beings with names. I am an atheist but stuff like this video make me think that evil spirits may exist, in fact do you need any more proof than this video?
I am going to have to do some serious drinking tonight to try to wash away as much of this terror as possible.
We got to see Admiral Crackers again, that means the movie was worth it!
Although, I gotta admit: I never really made a big deal out of the understandable removal of "Believe It Or Not", but this time...I really, REALLY missed it, because fuck this movie's droning excuse for an opening song. Fuck it all the way to-the-moonland, or whatever the Hell it was.
It's like a sad, lonely attempt of an additional story book section of a theme park turned parade. Reminds me of that f'd up version of "Babes in Toyland" Nostalgic Critic once reviewed
Also, good Albert Fish joke!
But at least "Babes in Toyland" had this song....
I come from C-I-N-C-I-N-N-A-T-I, Cincinnati! The best town in O-H-I-O, Ohio, USA! At first they called it Cincy, but since Cincy is so natty, they named it Cincinnati, so they say. Hey, the girls are really pretty in this pretty little city, the fellas are the feistiest I've seen. And when it comes to ball teams, the Reds and Bengals maul teams, they knock the socks off all the other teams. I mean to argue's indefensible, the facts are common sensible, Cincy is invincible, know what I mean? Cincy's more than merely natty, she's Ohio's Maserati, Cincinnati's at the center of the scene!
I'll take the nonsense over this movie's opening "song" any day.
I did just think of something positive about this movie, every cloud has a silver lining sort of thing. If I ever want to break up with someone without hurting their feelings, I'll just invite them over in the evening and pop this tape in without saying a word as it hauntingly plays.
I don't think it would take longer than 90 seconds for the person who's there with you to leave your life for good and to never speak with you again. Although on the flip side afterwards you might end up on about 500 different watch lists.
Damn. That was creepier than Santa Clause and the Ice Cream Bunny. I don't know why but I think the same people made both movies.
Would it be possible for you to do the 1934 movie Maniac for Halloween?
Not even the Admiral Crackers cameo made this worthwhile.
Are we absolutely sure no children were killed during or after this was made? This is fucking horrifying. Screw watching classic horror movies this Halloween. This is one of the scariest things I have seen in a while and the nightmares it is sure to induce should hold me over until the next Halloween.
this is now my favorite Cinema snob episode. Sorry, In Search of the Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo, you're now my 2nd favorite.
I can see the Philadelphia Art Museum in the parade footage. Apparently that was the Gimble's Thanksgiving Day Parade
It sure is the Gimble's Thanksgiving Day Parade (or as it's now called, the abc6 Dunkin' Donuts Thanksgiving Day Parade), as you can see some Gimble's signs alongside the floats.
Honestly, I wouldn't mind checking this parade out, as my older brother and niece currently live very close to the parade route (I actually saw the concert that Kanye West performed in Philly this past summer from the roof my brother's house).
GO TOOT TOOT!
Holy Christ, that's a HEAVY Baltimore accent. Was this recorded by the same lesbian that adopted little Noodles in Pink Flamingos?
I honestly thought it was Mink Stole. "You can eat shit for all I care!!"
Somehow, I feel like I should be on a sex offender registry list for seeing that one kid in those gold Namor the Sub-Mariner shorts.
If nothing else, at least he'll be ready to live-cast in Rocky Horror! :D
What in the FUCK IS THIS NONSENSE?!?
Also, the amount of Tusk jokes I can make about that walrus balloon.
Do you have any plans on reviewing "The Miami connection" at all?
Lol :D I second that.
That ridiculous movie needs some exposure.
I legit love the commentator lady's accent. You don't hear women talk like that these days.
This "movie" can't possibly be more than 40 minutes long. This looks and feels like an extended live-action segment pasted at the end of an animated children's show. Like the Mail Time segments on Blues Clues. I refuse to believe that this was made as anything other than a TV special.
I have zero clue where this thing was shown. The trailer says "coming soon to theaters," but holy shit, my brain hurts thinking about that screening. The total running time of it was 53 minutes.
When I see Snob videos where I can tell you visibly loathe the movies, like Nukie and To Catch a Yeti, most of the time I can tell they're really bad movies. But I also know that I have a very high tolerance for boring movies and, if I see one, I'd probably just say that it wasn't too annoying.
But "Fun in Balloon Land" doesn't look like a movie. It looks like what happens when I have a dream, and my subconscious trys to remember what I saw on PBS as a kid. It looks like what I imagine the Wonderful World of Disney might have shit out to fill space if it was having a really bad day. If this 'movie' is seriously more than 50 minutes long, then this thing is going on my "avoid at all costs" list. I've never been so repulsed by anything before simply because of a riff. I'm surprised you were able to make any review out of this; this looks about as interesting as Hitler's Harlot.
Sorry for the rant. This thing got to me somehow.
Have you ever considered doing a Snob episode for newer movies like Oogie Loves?
Can't think of anything to say about that!
You forgot, with an audience solely made up of thousands of Hanks (from To Catch a Yeti) masturbating to a fever crescendo group moan that would end the world and cause god to go mad.
Nighty - Night Snob.
The Miss Hippo incident was later turned into a Pink Floyd album cover.
"Even Old Mr. Walrus is Cryin'."
Thanks for the fucking flashback from "TUSK"!
I'll stick with the Ub Iweks cartoon, thank you very much!
I'd rather watch a compilation of animal cruelty in Amazon cannibal films than this.
I... I.... I...... How do you manage to keep doing this with crap like this popping up as often as it does?!
PADDINGTON bear was move to jan 16 of next year
The parade bit was my favorite part. That narrator had to know what she was sounding like, lol.
This title made me think the film was going to be a porn. I am so disappointed.
This movie is most likely in an evidence box in a police station somewhere.
I sure hope you have all of your episodes (Cinema Snob and otherwise) backed up locally. Blip is really crapping out and I'm worried they won't hold onto your stuff. Blip hasn't changed their featured videos in over a year. What would be great is if you could rip the audio from the midnight screenings and release them separately, like in a podcast.
At first I thought this was enjoyably bad, then when it got to the "now we're watching a parade segment," it just became a full on mess (even bigger than it was). I finally saw "The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure," on Neflix last week just to see what you, Brian, and Dave witnessed on that day two years ago, and now after seeing this, I think "Fun in Balloon Land," makes Oogieloves look like a Hayao Miyazaki classic.
Holy SHIT, the mask that the 'king of the bottom of the ocean' was wearing looks like it was made out of a dead person's face. I didn't think you could get more unintentionally creepy than the Ice Cream Bunny or the Candy Lion in terms of crappy costumes in kiddie films but....EUGH.
How the HELL do you even find these movies Brad?
I don't think I want to know where (or how) he finds them.
There are some areas of the human psyche that are best left unexplored.
If someone sent me this "film" in the mail, I would pull a Charlie Sheen and call the police! "Hello officer, I think I've discovered some 50s era kiddie porn".
Okay, I just thought of a good joke for the scene with the shirtless kid:
"Oh, look, it's Richard Goldberg's basement."
The few of you who get that reference are no doubt groaning at the bad taste of that joke.
I'm sure this was also one of the movies Dez & Edele Hansel had in their VHS collection as well.
Dang. That whole review I was waiting for a Grindhouse "Thanksgiving" reference.
Also this movie reminds me of a very weird agoraphobic/megaphobic nightmare I had.
Wow man, you *really* got into it when the masturbating female narrator asked you to clap your hands and stomp your feet. ;) Dear god I was cracking up when you were riffing on her narration/masturbating.
Kidding aside, why the Hell is everything with masks, costumes, etc., from the 1960s so damn CREEPY!?!?! I mean, it's not intentionally creepy (or is it?), as this is supposed to be for young children, right? I've seen pictures of Halloween costumes from the 60s, and believe me, they are one Circle of Hell BELOW the one in which this movie resides. Yet I'll still probably have some of these balloons come up in my fuckin' nightmares for the rest of the week.
I wonder how many of those clowns died in jail.
60s era masks and costumes were so creepy because kids had fucking balls back then! It took a HELL of a lot more to scare the crap out of them than it does with kids today.
After all, they had to deal with shit like Vietnam and Richard Nixon. That's one thing I'll give that phlebitis infested bastard - he knew how to toughen people up so they wouldn't be whiny little pussies!
I was 95% sure this was going to be a porno, until I saw the kids...
And then you were only 67% sure?
YEY! ADMIRAL CRACKERS!
This movie's pretty gay, bro.
I totally agree, bro!
What's up with all you people finding this crap creepy?
Now I'd like to see a version of this movie with E.T. The Porno balloons and Nukie narrating. What? I'm a masochist.
If you always wanted to see a grotesque parade float being dragged around by a gang of weird clowns, this movie will spoil you.
Oh man, it's not a porn? :(
I mean maybe I should be thankful that it's not paedophilia but after "Alice in Wonderland XXX" and "Let My Puppets Cum" I expected a lot of sexdolls fucking, not a shitty kids movie that's shitty for the sake of shit.
I know this question comes up every week with the Snob, but seriously: Why was this thing made and how the fuck did Brad find it?! This was even more creepy than ,,Legends of Oz, Dorothy´s what the fuck ever"!
Oh God.. Oh God. I'm fucked! I watched this right before bed! I AM SO FUCKED!
where the SHIT did you FIND this movie Brad?
I'm pretty sure you should call the cops!
I feel like I just watched a snuff film.
DOWN IN BALLOONLAND! DOWN IN BALLOOOONLAND
YOU ALL FLOAT! YES, YOU WILL FLOAT!
WAT DA FUCK DID I JUST WATCH!?
I'm not sure what I saw was real. I'm operating on 2 hours of sleep right now and I don't trust my senses. However, I'm not brave enough to watch the video again to confirm what I saw.
The mom "reading" the story and that voice of the narrator reminds me of the aunt from "sleepaway camp". Not sure if it's the same actress or not.
And i'm sure she had plenty of string tied around each finger and toe so she wouldn't forget her dialogue cues.
A kiddie film worse than "Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny?" I almost don't believe it.
HURRR HURRR HURRR HURR
...rarely does a movie make me say I NEED AN ADULT!
Also kudos on the Tourist Trap refference. Chuck got so little love for that iconic performance.
Okay that narrator sounds like Harley Quinn five minutes before she went completely insane! It'd explain her obsession with the clowns!
I want to know the origins of this one.
I actually had an opportunity to see this movie earlier this year at the Cinedelphia film festival, I now regret not doing so. This was basically just some people integrating film footage from a parade in Philadelphia with some of the random stuff tacked on.
I can't be grateful enough for the fact that horny balloon narrator is probably communing with Elvis in some geriatric ward and that Chester Novel Turner is dead. It's to easy to imagine him casting her in Bride of the Black Devil Doll or another Quaddead Zone. *shudders*
Chester Novel Turner is still alive.
Dear Mr. Cinema Snob,
I am sending you this personal invitation to come visit the bottom of the ocean with me. We have all sorts of fun down here. We have fun games, friendly talking sea critters to both ride and admire, and best of all we have balloons! All you have to do is drink this cup o water, and poof! We'll be there.
-Sincerely, The Sea King
Do the balloons float down there, Mr. Sea King?
Could the Snob smoke a pipe down there, too?
If so, that just raises further questions.
I can't believe I'm going to end up watching this movie because they announced it as a Rifftrax VOD. I'm frankly afraid to.
Wow, I finally got around to seeing "You're Next". Ugh!
Makes this mad parade/found footage kiddie porn film look like 4 star entertainment!
8:03 Diamanda Hagen??!!
Oh, I'm ashamed. I'm so, so ashamed. I noticed certain landmarks in the parade background (Franklin Institute, Art Museum, etc.) and I realized this was filmed in Philadelphia. As a lifelong Philly resident, this is the first time I feel guilty about being from this city.
“Fun” in Balloonland? I have to say, they make a bad first impression. That theme song has to be one of the most un-fun things ever, and not just because of the miserable funeral-dirge tone and pacing. “My, how that teddy bear’s laggin’”? “I’ll bet his arches are saggin’”? In what way do these constitute “fun”?
It took a while for the narrator lady to get into it. Then it sounded like she got TOO into it!
I wish I were a giant inflated, two headed gay cat.
Your second head's looking pretty gay, bro
I'm pretty sure Brolloon Land is a much more fun place to be at than Balloon Land.
You know it, bro! In Brolloon Land, that parade would have been announced by Brovhaug and the Brostalgia Critic,like the Hagan Sextette review - that would have gotten the crowd interested!
Instead there's just some woman calling things gay. Worst Spanksgiving Day parade ever, bro!
What a ripoff. Not once in this film did I see the evil Pincushion Man.
ALWAYS HAVE A PIN AT HAND. :D
Nope! Won't play! Refuses to play! I couldn't pay it to play! Nope! Nope! Nope!
Wow that intro song was painful... but Admiral Crackers! So I guess an up side.
I finally know why Steven King thinks Balloons are scary. He saw this film as a child and it scared him for life.
I swear, the narrator for this sound exactly like the dub actress from Batpussy.
"Duff Beer for me.
Duff Beer for you.
I'll have a Duff.
You'll have one. too"
Holy fucking shit! Five Nights at Freddy's wasn't even this terrifying.
The animatronic animals from that are downright cuddly when compared to this movie.
This lady must have watched this movie.
I think this was narrated by little Edie Beale
This show was once about looking at generally obscure movies that may have been goofy and badly made, but were still mostly a fun watch; Stuff that would be nice to get some friends and booze and make a night out of. It used to be great finding an episode with something i had not seen but would be interested in looking up afterwards...
Do movies like "Demonwarp" or "The Suckling". Not this random unwatchable crap.
He did unwatchable movies all the time back in the day. Don't you remember "Las Vegas Bloodbath" or "Nukie?"
Not only was this one of the most hilarious Snob episodes in a while but I'm also pretty sure "Fun in Balloon Land" neatly fits into the oft-overlooked subgenre of "Childsploitation".
Also, The Snob has always had these more bizarre offerings in his ouvre look as far back as 2009 and there's stuff like The Hoboken Chicken Emergency. So quit your damn whining.
You haven't watched in a while, have you? With the exception of the "What the Fuck Hollywood" movie, these are all the kinds of things I've been looking at since the beginning. Also don't tell me what my show is about, thanks =)
Yeah, you tell 'em Brad! Kick his ass! I'll hold your White Caste hat!
wait, balloons? children? creepyness?
good god, i know who made this, he's a certain stephen king character played by tim curry, if you know what i mean.
well that or freddy fazbear from five nights at freddy's.
"STOP FUCKING THE BALLOONS!"
This was one of the funniest episodes I have seen in awhile. What the hell is this thing? A movie for people with Balloon fetishes?
Brad you only did this because Rifftrax is going to do it, even though they announced it a day after you posted this video! I'm a smart person I swear, and you're a dirty Jew prick. Call me, we'll talk about it: 07807522618
I lost my shit laughing at "Stop fucking the balloons!"
It's a shame that Brad's movie theater didn't show Kevin Smith's "TUSK". There would've been a crazy walrus reference in this review.
So disappointed...NOT ONE REFERENCE TO '89 BATMAN!! All those balloons and not once did I hear you say "He stole my balloons!! Why didn't anyone tell me he had one of those...things?!"
Just kidding. Really funny episode! =D
Yeah, like he could say "I wish Michael Keaton would take these fucking things away in the Batwing."
As a huge fan of the '89 Batman I was hoping for a "my balloons!" reference when I saw the title, but as the video played I soon realized he was probably in no mood to reference happy things. . .
So Brad, on a scale of one to ten--one being your average run-of-the-mill bad film and ten being Nukie--how bad would you say this movie is?
Oh GOOD. I need therapy now for that childhood rape I suffered 20 years just now.
A "movie" so bad, Brad needed to go on vacation after it.
Dear lord it sounded like that narrator was actually directing child pornography by the end of that. Tell me she's in jail.
I am ashamed this was filmed in my hometown
Any review that opens with a double facepalm, you know it's gonna be good!
Perhaps after this review it will hit #1 on IMDB top bottom list?
Nope. Check out the circumstances behind the current #1, "Gunday". Geopolitical controversy will last longer than online media exposure.
How the hell did you ever find this? XD
...well, I'm convinced that opening sequence seriously injured all of music.
Isn't so sad these days we just sit home watching tv and internet. Not like back in the days we could gather together outside to watch shit like balloon parade
I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
Am I the only one who thought the narrator during the parade sounded like Aunt Martha from Sleepaway Camp?
Am I the only one who thinks about the crazy ass mother/aunt from sleepaway camp when I hear the woman who's "Fucking the balloons".
Well this wasn't fun. I certainly won't be returning to Balloon Land! Oh, and thanks Marty Meers, now I'm just thinking about drowned children and potato chips. At least it's all water under the bridge now.
First of all, Greatest ... Opening ... EVER!!
Second, the song is now one of those things I can imagine swaying back and forth with a beer mug or stein while singing.
Third, "lucky" and "ducky" are also song rhymes in a musical school play I was in during High School. For the record, the play was called "The Boyfriend" and the song was "Sur La Plage".
Hoping you're all doing well, Chris
I love videos that begin with the reviewer facepalming. That means the review is gonna be really funny and entertaining! Ha Ha Ha!
Sorry for your suffering, Snob. Your pain is our gain! LOL!
Movie, you're drunk, go home.
Greatest, most hilarious opening EVER!!!
By the way, the song needs to be sung as one of those Beer Hall songs, where you sway back and forth while waving your stein or glass or bottle or can back and forth.
I've seen a lesbian porn seen where the actresses bang on a floor covered in balloons, and THAT is more entertaining that this crap.
Some of the older archived videos of 2009 were brought over from the youtube account before thecinemasnob.com was created, so please forgive the lesser video quality of such as some did not transfer well.