Been waiting for this!
And by this I of course mean a new Cinema Snob episode.
Hey snob, quick heads up but your site's main page looks like it's been tampered with, it links to some PNG image of a chalkboard.
How the hell can one make a porn spoof out of a slasher film? The E.T. porno's more believeable
Are you kidding? A slasher film porno spoof is just the half of the slasher film they cut away from. You can't kill the cast until after they fuck! How else will you know to root for them to die?
The feminists in this movie remind me of Tumblr
No kidding, Tumbler Feminists are just- (shutters) P.S. Not normal feminists the wacko Internet type
to quote John Lennon "than brother you can count me out!"
Actually, John Lennon proudly and openly called himself a feminist--and so, for that matter, does Nina Hartley. She has gone on record many times as declaring herself a free speech feminist.
What feminists did you see? I'm an avid tumblr user and I can tell you that actual feminists on there are perfectly normal people, not the crazy kind
You may just be one of the crazies then.
Dude or Mr The Dude I'm not sure which, but my standard is simple. If your feminism is indorsed by the likes of Lindy West, Anita Sarkeesian, Hillery Clinton, and Sandra Fluke then with all due respect I want no part of it. If that's what you believe, well fine more power to you I mean you no ill will to quote John Lennon "than brother you can count me out!" P.S. Yes I'm right wing full disclosure here.
Only manginas like yourself will call most feminists normal people. Modern day feminists dont want equal rights, they want more privileges for women or wants to ruin stuff in the name of feminism (anita sarkeesian).
The old world feminists, who were not crazy, wanted equal rights. And they would today be called egalitarians and not feminists.
Feminism used to stand for equal rights. But not anymore. Now it is about whining and getting more privileges for women only.
Nice strawman feminists you got going there. Do they go in your garden or what?
I remember when we got feminists. They kept chewing through stuff and we had to put traps down. Contrary to popular opinion the prefer peanut butter to cheese.
@Knut the Wizard: Which "feminists" are you talking about? Mary Wollstonecraft? Susan B. Anthony? Betty Freidan? Gloria Steinem? Because none of these women would ever, in any reality, consider herself an "equalist".
You must have your head firmly in the sand because no sane person would say that. Third wave feminist are a joke
What a stunning group of misogynistic douchebags here in the CinemaSnob fandom.
They hold up Anita Sarkeesian as representing all feminists, which is like holding up WSB as representing all Christians.
At least just be honest and say you don't like women having equal rights, like garry mod. He doesn't like people being treated equally and says so. Anything "Hillery Clinton" would "indorse" is reviled by him, which means equality for gays, blacks, women, or any other minority or historically repressed group.
garry mod has balls, unlike the rest of you in the Girl Haters Club.
*WBC not WSB
First, How the fuck did we get to a feminism flame war over a fake Friday the 13th PORN PARODY?
Second, who brought up Anita Sarkeesian here? You're grounded for starting this stupid flame war.
Third, feminism is not a bad thing. Don't discredit an entire group of people, or their beliefs, because of the vocal minority.
In my defence I get confused. We had misogynist. It's misogynist that prefer peanut butter to cheese and gnaw on stuff. I think. But I had no idea they liked Cinema Snob or do they? I don't know anymore?
You guys are totes being Hitler right now.
@garry the dumbfuck:
Right..... because a young woman (speaking before a congressional panel on healthcare) talking about her college friend with a serious health problem, whose insurance wouldn't cover the b.c. pills needed for it, is SUCH an evil soulless bitch.....
Oh!, the HORROR!!!1!
Take your ignorant right-wing talking points and shove them firmly up your ass, troll.
A straw man feminist reminds you of another straw man feminist? Whoda thunk
Somehow all of Brad's "logical conclusions" end with some sort of exploitation film.
Wow, normally I have to watch the Crumb documentary to get a Sheena reference. Quite impressive!
Since you already did part V, i was hoping youd got meta and time travel talk to yourself like you did in an earlier episode ;). Then again, new location sooo...
Or, you could just skip it, and go straight to part 6.
The woman in this porn looks like Tori Spelling. If she didn't, it would of been a great idea if she was in spoofs of shows Tori Spelling was in.
God, if only more porn stars had tits like Debi Sue Voorhees.
Did Frank Miller write those feminists?
What does it say in the credits? "And Nina Hartley as Bonkers Betty".
No, it's just Frank Miller writes like porn writer.
....like A porn writer.
Dafuck?...... Those 'feminist' stereotypes are to actual feminism as a flaming bag of dog shit is to a packed lunch. Thanks Rush.
Actually, it's about ethics in porno spoofing #PornGate
Jason Voorhees is NotYourShield. I imagine supernatural serial killing is a minority in horror films, right? Right?
Incidentally, Brad, how come you don't remake your older reviews if you hate them so much?
Same reason I wouldn't remake one of my older movies. They were what I was doing at the time, and they only way I'd want to fix them is with a time machine, not in the present.
Brad's right. Besides, this world has too many damn remakes as it is.
I think in many ways using a time machine to destroy work you've already released to the public would be more unethical...
For example, I'd rather have a Robocop remake than someone go back in time and "fix" it. Because the original hasn't been destroyed...
Although that could be a great premise for a film...
**facepalm** Ok, I won't use a time machine to go back to the past to make changes to movies that I've made. I stand corrected, I'll pull the plug on my time machine and focus more on my toaster/litter box.
The point I was making is that 20something Brad made those projects, not 30something Brad, and that's where they should stay and I wouldn't want to revisit that.
If you're going to use a time machine to fix a movie, why not start with Hot Tub Time Machine 2? Watch out for the smart car.
So in other word, you are the opposite of Hollywood
What's your feeling on commentaries, then?
My take away from all of this is that Brad had access to a Time Machine. Likely not Hot Tub based. Possibly technology based upon Vodka and Quaaluds which he stole from the corpses of swinging Canjunsploitation filmakers.
Also he is a lizard person. You can see when you pause the video at 5:46.
If that's true, then I'm very disappointed. Brad should know that mixing vodka and quaaludes is very dangerous.
A Friday the 13th porn, huh? Well here's one time I'm glad Kane got replaced!
Ah, sooooooo glad to be back, I now hereby vow not to bitch about little things. In fact, Brad, thanks to your reviews I watched John Wick, lots of fun, tracked down 8mm (a Schumacher film, people. He CAN make great flicks, please get over Batman & Robin), which I found very disturbing yet fun. Now I'm on a Sam Gerard-ish hunt to find 8 Million Ways to Die someday.
I'd also like to ask about this "patreon" I see popping up on all the reviewers I watch online. Now, I don't have a credit card so is there some other way I can do...... other than you coming to a Steel City Con in the near or not TOO distant future?! ****** Apologies for cheap pop.
Seriously! I was really hoping that you would be reviewing Jason Lives. Will you review that film on this site?
Please don't take my statement as bitching. I love all your videos, and will probably enjoy this one as well. I just had my hope set on the Jason Lives.
Jason Lives will definitely happen on the next Friday the 13th this year :) I didn't want to just skip ahead, so I dug around for some stuff, and found this one, which seemed perfect since it takes its title from Part 5. If I hadn't found this, I probably would have done Saturday the 14th Strikes Back instead.
Okay, thanks a lot for clearing that up. Jason Lives is one of my biggest guilty pleasures, and I am glad to hear that you are not ignoring it.
Also, you will not hear any complaining from he if you also review Saturday the 14th Strikes Back someday.
WOOOH!!! next friday the 13th! that shouldnt be too long, its only in.....november.
Oh well at least we got your other vids to look forward too.
Ohhhh! I forgot about A Walk Among the Tombstones. Other than the boring killer killing the better one, it was fantastic! Like a modern Dirty Harry type flick.
Coffee is the devil's drink!
And that devil is mr. Sun.
Aw, kinda disappointed that there was no Deception of a Generation reference to the televangelist guy :(
SKELETOOOOOR MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE!
Heya, Snob! This is my first time commenting on the website, but I've seen all your videos, and I have to ask now: do you plan on doing another Musical March (In September)? And if so, do you plan on reviewing Phantom of the Paradise?
With a name like that, it's either going to be Horrible, Hilarious, or both.
the women f***ing Porno Jason in the 1st story scene clearly was a fan of Quan Chi. looks like Shao Kahn is trying so hard to get into the porno industry 4-5 years before he fought against monks & half naked women with sais & fans.
if they wanted to do a porno about Jason Voorhees, then why not do something based on the Kotobukiya statue where Jason is both a sexy female and a bad ass killer: http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0206/8956/products/Miss_Jason_Freddy_vs._Jason_Jason_Voorhees_Bishoujo_Statue_8_1024x1024.jpg?v=1400934888
So porno scenes that didn't relate and they just cut together a narrative? Could be worse could be one of those porno movies that are four hours and five dollars no narrative and just all fucking.
After seeing all these clips from Tequila and Bonetti, I feel like we were robbed of this show never having a crossover with Poochinski.
Man, that art made me think this movie would be about a sexy girl Jason raised by a conservative mother or something who went on a sex-crazy rampage and got the shit fucked out of her by everybody.
That would be a good porno spoof
Sysco and Eggbert are back again! Those guys never steered me wrong. If they said a movie was garbage, every time it was the best movie I saw that year. I'm being a little harsh, Siskel at least tried to tell you what kind of audience would like a film and Ebert's snark was second to none. But dear lord, did they exemplify why film critics were utterly useless for actual advice about what movie to see. Thank goodness we have the internet now.
Well it won't let me reply to the above comments but dear god are they wrong. Yes, there ARE the crazy brand of feminists on tumblr, but most (at least the ones I follow) actually want EQUAL RIGHTS FOR BOTH GENDERS which includes ending the macho man it's not okay for boys to cry masculinity thing and things like that, among the normal feminist ideals of ending sexism (something Knut the Wizard displayed by calling me a "mangina") see the problem is you people don't know what actual feminism is, nor have you seen actual feminists on tumblr, you're just going off of assumptions. And your assumptions are, for the most part, completely fucking wrong
You pretty much summed my thoughts on these MRA and Gamergate types who have taken this straw man version of feminism and run with it, and constantly regurgitate the same talking points and all without doing any actual reading or research on feminism.
Are you refereing to /only/ MRA & GGers who make strawmen arguments, or are you saying all MRA and &GGers make strawmen arguments and are shit?
If the latter, you are kettle calling the pot black. If the former, you should also add in SJWs and Feminist since they do it as well, but utter then that, you are not wrong.
A large portion of the "crazy feminists" on Tumblr are mock/parody/troll accounts.
I can ensure you, the SJWs on Tumblr are not trolls. They are just awful awful people with a place that will not only tolerate but encourage their bigotry.
Dude, as a GamerGater and anti-SJW, please drop it. Your comment looks like a bloody mess and any point you are trying to make will be obfuscated by everything else.
As a proud member of the tri-gendered anti-cis/het-white movement. I am personally triggered by your comment shaming. I thought better of this website. Your ignorance directly offends the portrayal of the Mallard-kin and other non-binary Beak-folk. CHECK YOUR FUCKING PRIVILEGE CIS SCUM.
Isn't this whole argument better suited to Spoony. He does games. This is a porn parody review. Goddamn I want my porn parody unsullied by debate.
Let's be honest most gamers are teenage boys. They say stupid shit because they're stupid. Most of them have never met a girl let alone a feminist. Not only that they get enraged by the most inane crap imaginable. Are they sexist idiots? of course they are. Do they deserve to be sat on the naughty step and grounded until they grow up? Yes. Is a parody review of a Friday the !3th porno parody the place to bring this on?. Probably not
Oh, if only "equality" was still the actual goal. Those were quaint times, the 20th century that is.
It's all about "social/economic justice" (read: government-sanctioned/reinforced status of privilege and/or special dispensation of government cheese) in the 21st century in most of the world. And that goes for every political platform currently favorable to at least one percent of the general population regardless of the proponents' stated identities.
And now back to the actual review; that "Jimmy Braggart" sequence could have been a pretty fantastic satire all on its own, even with the porn. You could never look at TBN or EWTN the same way ever again. Dated as hell (pardon the pun), but amusing enough for yours truly.
Equality is the goal.
Your strawmen and crazy rants don't change that.
On the other side, ethics in video game journalism is not their actual goal.
Brad had to know that all the GamerGate tiny-penises would come in here with their anti-SJW crap, as soon as he said the word "feminist".
Hey Brad, I am almost sad to know this, but there is a new porno spoof of friday the 13th. It is just as bad as the series itself, but it at least has Jason in it, and lots of killing. It is newer, so I dont know if you would be interested.
So Brad how long before we find "old fashioned coffee blend"?
28 years later?Is that the new sequel to 28 days later and 28 weeks later?
Oh dear, yet more Porno spoofs... shame this one, like Who Reamed Rosie Rabbit, has fuckall to do with the thing its spoofing. Granted I wouldn't want this to be a gory porno because gore ain't sexy but you could stil find some way to spoof Friday the 13th besides just having a dude named Jason in a Hockey mask. Also sounds ike the ones at 13:38 are the reason I can't get into Hentai x__x Well, that and very few hentai artists actually make attractive anatomies as opposed to horrendous mini-planetoids strapped to a rail thin spine that remind me of the reason I got a breast reduction. Sorry got offopic, I know.
Thanks for the video ^o^
Seeing as how this thread brought out some anti feminist rage, I just want to say that I love Anita Sarkeesian.
The reaction she gets out of spastics is hilarious. She's my hero.
The irony of what you said is mind boggling. "Spastics" is a derogatory term for people with cerebral palsy. Nice job looking like a tool.
No it isn't. It's a medical term from the Greek spastikos meaning pulling an tugging and is usually applied to the condition spastic diplegia or Little's disease a form of cerebral palsy. But you can also have a spastic colon or a spastic kidney. The tem spastic is thus not initself derogatory. A lot of these sorts of words get used as insults. However so do terms like brain damaged which is seen as okay to most people, However the fact remains that some people have injuries that damage their brains so the term could equally be seen as derogatory towards a disability. Cretin is also taken from an old medical term for a particular condition. Unfortunately, this is the nature of insults which when you think about are designed to be derogatory.
Oops. I thought spastic was used as the plural for spaz.
I shall now go sit in a corner wearing a dunce cap in shame.
Nevertheless, the fact remains that people who get upset about Anita Sarkeesian are a bunch of spazzes (or whatever).
...Erm, I guess I mean assholes who need to calm down. Yes. Assholes. The term I was looking for was definitely assholes.
Oh, I forgot to mention that Anita is a con artist and an awful person. If you ignore the video game stuff and the con artistry, she still said some really awful and offensive shit.
Oh, you are so edgy and cool, tell me more about these spastic fellas! They sure suck a big one, don't they? :^)
I have YET to play this episode and ALREADY I'M KINDA TURNED ON by the artwork of female Jason....
Why? Just why?
These comments need to be deleted entirely.
I think the only thing that would be even more questionable than a Friday The 13th porno, is if someone was stupid enough to make a Hellraiser porno called Hellraper.
Okay, seeing as the comments section is going in this direction:
Ahem. Henry Cavill is a great Superman, Southland Tales is an excellent movie, and Final Fantasy XII is my favorite game in the series.
There, let's you people flame positivity.
Let's SEE you people.
Yes, yes... but how do you feel about the Melissa McCarthy Ghostbusters remake? Let us be more topical in our volleying insults.
Idunno, I haven't seen it yet. If I like it, and other people hate it, I'll be more than happy to torture people with the horrifying knowledge that, gasp, not everyone agrees with them!
People like you are what ruin best game of all time lists. Every time. FF7 is mediocre at best.
Honestly, I really wished the Snob either remade his Friday the 13th: Part 5 episode or reviewed Part 6: Jason Lives. Hell, I would have settled for Saturday the 14th Part 2 instead of this brain-dead, piss poor excuse for a porno.
I am a huge fan of the cinema snob.
While I am full aware that there are other good talents on TGWTG.
He is literally the best to me.
I also enjoy the NC, but the cinema snob is just better to me.
It's kind of interesting that Nina Hartley is in a role that makes fun of feminists, seeing as she herself identifies as a sex-positive feminist. Though perhaps it was her way of mocking anti-porn feminists such as Andrea Dworkin and Catherine MacKinnon.
I liked that the film made fun of a televangelist, but of course they had to take it further and make him a racist as well. It's not enough just to poke fun at someone, you have to make them hate black people or Jews or some other group. Perhaps this influenced the writers of Family Guy.
Do these guys fart when they cum, because that's what it sounds like.
I don't know what was funnier, the review or the comments. I'm dying right now.
Watching your videos for awhile now, and NOW I start to look at the comments...
Something is clearly wrong with me. Though I wonder if there are ANY porno spoofs that get close to the source material.
I normally really enjoy the comments. They're not usually this eye-rollingly inane.
I love you, Brad.
Paul Thomas Fuck Yeah!!!
also regarding this whole feminism discussion: fuck all y'all!
Girls are dum!
Dude, fuck off
If I fuck off it won't be with any GIRLS right fellow #GaymerGayter? That would be gay bro! Girls r stoopid
HELLS YEAH BRO! They sure are a buncha morans.....
Hey Brad,after shot on shitteo,are you going to make a movie about someone braking a black cat made out of mirror under the umbrella and then being dragged to hell?
'Cancer Porn' . Damnit! Rule #34 strikes again.
Until we get a porn parody of "The Fault in Our Stars", then we still have yet to see "Cancer Porn"
it happens to be my birthday this Friday the 13th, I plan to watch all the Friday the 13th films...sadly I now feel obliged to watch this too...
Great episode though ^-^
With all these hints dropping like bass at a rave, I think we can look forward to a multi-part Tequila and Bonetti retrospective.
Hey Brad! You made a mistake, Jason doesn't talk in "Jason Goes to Hell". He talks at the end of "Jason Takes Manhattan". He speaks in a child's voiced just before the toxic waste hits him.
actually, he did talk in Jason Goes To Hell but only in Randy's body. he said 2 lines near the end of the movie.
1 - "Freeze! Get Away From Her Ed!"
2 - "Jessica."
also, if Brad keeps bringing up Jason Goes To Hell, then why not just review Jason Goes To Hell? seriously, you keep bringing it up Brad. and I'd be very happy if you did review it. I'm not sure if you have reviewed that movie yet or not. but if you keep bringing up that movie in these reviews, then just review Jason Goes To Hell already.
I know I'm late getting around to commenting on this episode but something struck me about the clips of Siskel and Ebert but... did Roger sound like someone who hasn't actually seen the movie? Call me crazy but that was the vibe I got. That he either never actually watched it or didn't finish.
The tentative schedule for future Friday the 13th reviews is probably something like this:
* Week of November 13th, 2015: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives
* Week of May 13th, 2016: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood
* Week of January 13th, 2017: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan
* Week of October 13th, 2017: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday
* Week of April 13th, 2018: Jason X
* Week of July 13th, 2018: Freddy vs. Jason
* Week of September 13th, 2019: Friday the 13th (2009 remake)
* Week of December 13th, 2019: Saturday the 14th Strikes Back?
This assumes that the Cinema Snob will cover the last three movies of the original franchise (even if they weren't made under the "Friday the 13th" banner), which he probably will. And also the remake, which he might not do, due to recentism (although it is over 10 years old by that point).
And wow, did Ebert & Siskel not bother watching the movies in full. "I wonder what he looks like under that mask?" I'd wonder too, if I didn't see it in Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and Freddy vs. Jason.
With all the JGTH references in this review, I have a sneaky suspicion that Brad doesn't like that movie. Which is fine.
There's a spanish Friday the 13th porn spoof called "Viernes 13 XXL: Jason se lo monta de miedo" if someday you need another spoof for the show :)
How in the world did this movie never come into my life???
You were sheltered away from the world (of Jason porn) high in a magic tower?
or just lucky I guess :P
Wait, so Jason starts singing, and there we no "Jingle Bells" jokes?
The jabs at evangelical christians and feminists really put a smile on my face. I wish more pornos did stuff like that, but with more in depth social commentary. Here it seems a little "on the nose" but still amusing.
It was misguided to make this idea into a friday the 13 parody. It should have just been a movie about prudish, moralizing, stuckup, self-righteous, hypocritical Dbags learning to loosen up and embrace their sexuality.
I apparently am in the minority here when i say I really don't like Siskel or Ebert (not enough experience with the other one [who's name I've forgotten] so I won't comment on him). They're very close minded and can be rather immature for someone who's supposed to be professional. I've seen a lot of their reviews out of curiosity and sometimes it seems they just don't want to pay attention to the movie.
So... i just reviewed the most famous reviewers. time for hate mail.
Some of the older archived videos of 2009 were brought over from the youtube account before thecinemasnob.com was created, so please forgive the lesser video quality of such as some did not transfer well.