Dear Mr. Jones,
I'm sure you don't remember me, but about four years ago I donated a copy of Redneck Zombies for the Snob review. I'm contacting you with an inquiry: Would you be willing to, along with one or more persons from your crew (doesn't matter who), do an unscripted vlog review of two movies in exchange for a Paypal donation? Nothing fancy, you just sit down, watch the movies, then talk about them at the camera. The two movies in question aren't really movies, but rather stage plays that have had professional recordings released on Blu-ray. They are Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera (NOT the Joel Schumacher film) and its sequel Love Never Dies. I would supply both Blu-rays at my own expense.
If you simply don't do requests like this, I fully understand. If the idea appeals to you, however, what donation do you think would be appropriate? If it is within my means, I will gladly give it, and you could do the vlogs at your convenience. Apart from the fact that I love these plays, they're so far out of your wheelhouse that I think the discussion would be interesting on premise alone.
Either way, I wish you a pleasant afternoon.
Whatever he offers you Brad, I will add $20 if you do the review with Film Brain in a jacuzzi.
Bribery?! How the fuck am I supposed to compete with that?! I'm desperately trying to get Brad and Jake to watch Foodfight! for the Random Button segment.
ill get it to 30times instead of 15
Anyone else reminded of this?
I guess Nymphomaniac 1 & 2 isn't very popular with you guys. A Vlog on both movies would require an explanation.
Lars Von Trier's overlong porn.
The fact that you call it pornography shows how little you know about it.
@Pbearadactyl Settle down Scotty Andy Mac.
I'm sorry, it's overlong, uncomfortable, unattractive porn.
Pornography is meant arouse. Nymphomaniac features unsimulated sex, but it is not meant to help get people off.
Whatever, come up with whatever excuses for glorified pornos all you want.
Next year's DVD extra.
I love that one of the first episodes after exposing himself on the dvd, features a title card that's a reference to the Burt Reynolds naked photo! lol probably not intentional, but bravo sir.
It's high time this series featured a fart joke.
lol, well, there's been more than one over the years. In fact, the fart sound effect used in this one is the same one I used in the Caddyshack II video.
Oh, shit. I forgot about that.
LaWanda Page made a porn film? Excuse me, I have to go be alone now...
This is like when you have to write an essay in high school, but are pretty lazy so you just pad it with long descriptions of basic facts.
The man at 15:45 looks like black Bruce Willis.
Wow, I'm pretty sure this is the most awkward film I've ever seen you cover on the show. I cannot imagine that there's another film more awkward and stilted than this but I'm convinced that you'll find one somehow.
Don't know, the rape scene in "I spit on your grave" might be worse, but at least that wasn't a whole movie
Was the point of this movie to encourage interracial sex? Cause if this is what sex between people of the same race looks like, it should never happen again
I'm pretty sure the movie was made for that 0.001% of people who are white, have never met a black person in real life before, and have a fetish for black people fucking other black people to the voice of a 40-year old white guy.
DEAR MISTER CINEMA SNOB, I am deeply offended that you did not also put censor bars the asses and breasts of the shadows in the "slowly rotating black people" sequence. Shadow people are technically black people too.
This movie offends me by being bad. It's like watching a sex documentary made by aliens who are trying to get accredited in African- American Anthropology. But the soundtrack is pretty good.
Speaking of blaxploitation films, can your review "Coonskin" or any animated exploitation movie? I'm curious to see what you do with one.
-- The African-American who saw "Frankenhood".
I'm dying to see Brad review "Fritz the Cat."
what? not heavy traffic or coonskins?
Those too, but I really want to see "Fritz the Cat." get snobbed! :)
I agree with all 3, specially Heavy Traffic!
This movie looks about as sexy as the time my dad taped over Red Shoe Diaries with an episode of Columbo.
Well it is from the director of Blood Feast.
A movie which he wasn't ashamed to be credited as the director of.
He liked his gore movies better than his pornos. I mean, The Wizard of Gore, he'll put his name on that. But not this. 2,000 Maniacs sure, Gore Gore Girls, you betcha. This is actually the only one I know of his that had African Americans in it. He usually had a pasty white cast.
Regardless of gore films vs porno films, it would be understandable that he would like Blood Feast, Two Thousand Maniacs, and stuff like that better than this, those are way better and more entertaining movies than Black Love.
Well also, I though he didn't like doing straight pornos, he did movies with nudity in them during the 60s. But he didn't exactly go for the pornos. So I honestly just think he did these because he was strapped for cash.
Though he loves doing a Bruno Mattei name change with these ones. Like being credited as Mark Hansen, R.L. Smith, Armand Parys famously for Alley Tramp, and of course Sheldon Seymour.
Well that and the barely trying to cover director name Lewis H. Gordon.
The black guys and white girls dancing on stage is clearly the aftermath of the "May we dance with your dates?" scene from Animal House.
Also, does this mean that their babies are black?!
Ah, one of HG Lewis's infamous 70s pornos. He hid his name under another one so no one would know. It's nice to know that man behind Blood Feast, 2,000 Manics etc. whored himself out to do porn during the early 70s.
You know those Mondo type films were produced as a means of getting around obscenity laws back in the 60s. The Supreme Court would define obscene material as not having any artistic, educational, ect. merit.
Of course the real intention was to make porno! Interesting development of 1st amendment rights.. Now in the present the government has the burden to show that any law that infringes on free speech must be compelling and that law must be narrowly tailored to achieve that reason. Of course, the private market place, or non government actor can restrict free speech as much as possible. Ie. if the cable company wants to restrict what they consider obscene then they can halt it. or Internet website hosts, ISPs, ect. And apparently keeping kiddies ears and eyes clean is a compelling interest. Unelss of course, they are looking to see black love...
And I honestly thought HG Lewis never liked pornos in the first place.
Where did you find this?
The Lost FIlms of HG Lewis DVD set.
I now have a strong urge to go to Starbucks in the morning and order a basic brewed coffee, and when they ask if they should leave room in the cup for cream, I'll put on my best deadpan Airplane face and say, "No thanks, I take it black; like my men".
Oh, shit, I have NO idea how the hell this post responded to someone instead of being its own isolated post! STUPID Mullet, stupid! stupid! Double-check your work next time!
Don't worry, still a funny comment. :)
Feels very white. Not to mention very awkward for some reason.
PS. Brad. Could you do a remake of your very first review for Burial Ground: Nights of Terror? Why a remake? Because.... erm.... remakes! I don't know there's got to me an excuse somewhere around here.
Well it's from a guy who didn't direct that many pornos, directed Blood Feast and 2,000 Maniacs and usually had white casts.
Burial Ground: Nights of Terror.
So this film starts out with a bang. Nevermind story development, this movie wants to get to the shitty looking zombies right from the very get-go.
I don't care if brad doesn't like his older episodes, I love that review.
"It's a good thing these things turned out to be zombies because at first glance they look like the kind of thing a drunk college student would wear to scare the skirts off some midnight volleyball players on the beaches of the Bahamas."
I'll never be able to forget this. On my deathbed, if someone said "Burial Ground: Nights of Terror" I would be able to recite this word for word
That reminded me of watching the Discovery channel as a kid, when they would show animals screwing and having a narrator talk awkwardly about it.. Only this is worse since its actually people in it..
I'm not entirely sure if the people who made this think African Americans are people
Nah, that could leave the impression that 70's people were racists...
I got the same Discovery Channel vibe as well. I could not tell if this was a satire of attempts to "humanize" Black people, if this was a satire on anthropologists, or if this was merely as incompetent and self-defeating as it seemed to be.
Black Love showed me that Steve Harvey's touchy-feely techniques are inspired by the demons in Legend of the Overfiend.
Brad, just so you know the woman you said is white is a black woman. Freeze the scene, she's very clearly an African American even though her skin pigment isn't as dark. As weird as this movie is, the point its making ( black people are people too) is valid. You keep joking about how this film must be pandering to an idiot audience because of the 'no duh' statements it makes, but as a black girl living in the south, I've encountered ridiculous ignorance from white people toward blacks. I actually have a friend who has a very light skin pigment and she is often accused of not actually being black because she isn't 'dark enough'. Just wanted to share that with you, not to get heavy or anything, but it's ironic that you thought that woman was white because of her skin tone while simultaneously accusing this movie's 'point' of being invalid because everyone knows black people are just normal people with difference like everyone else.
Actually, the narrator refers to her as white as well. She's not the only white person in that scene, and when the dancers take off their clothes to dance naked, they leave. Remember, I've seen the whole movie, not just the clips I showed.
And it comes full circle!
I couldn't find full credits for the movie, but while I was googling background information on the film I found a little treat. One of the uncredited dancers, James Chisem, was also in Home Alone 3. Who says your'e restricted to genre?
for the life of me i can't figure out why the vince guaraldi trio and curtis mayfield chose THIS movie to collaborate on for the soundtrack...
...n' i couldn't reply to the post above this, but i always felt HOME ALONE 3 needed more nekkid dancing black men...and they BLEW it!!!!
Couldn't they have given them some coffee or something? Jesus, everyone looks like they're sleepfucking.
Good review as always, bad, bad movie. Looks very dull and, due to its age, rather offensive. But that last part may just be me.
This is the movie to watch when you're horny but don't want to be.
It's the anti-porno.
How the hell do you make sex so boring. I swear at parts my ADD was kicking in and I was looking about my room till you started talking again.
I know, Fuad Rameses murdering people would make it more interesting.
Yes, the movie was a bit awkward. But I still managed to fap to it.
i can't deny that this flick feels like a MONDO movie shot by the same industrial film company that shot ZAAT...
Words can't express how offended and repulsed I am that this movie happened, yet you managed to make it entertaining to sit through clips of it.
I find it creepy that a lot of children just kept walking in on couples having sex. That's just rather odd.
Also, that white woman on the stage is actually black, but with a really light skin tone (I could tell just by her features). There's a chance that she might be mixed or an albino; I call this obviously known, hence the joke XD.
If she's black, I'm blaming the movie, the narrator told me she was white.
The same narrator who said that black children find out about 'black love' out in the urban wilderness aka. car sex in a public park. lol
That's the last time I trust the narrator of a movie called Black Love!
I would go back and watch the scene again, but, this movie was a serious piece of shit, so, no. lol
ROFL I believe you...and agree.
Man, the narration was weird in this movie. The cadence made the guy sound like Wesley Willis.
Now Brad must cover the other two movies of the Lost HG Lewis set, Linda and Abilene and The Ectasies of Women.
And if he wants zany HG Lewis comedy he can watch How to make a doll.
RIP THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR.
MAY DESTRUCITY REST WITH HIM.
The narrator sounds almost sounds like one from the Plan 9 from outer space
AN OLD MAN DEAD
FROM TOO MUCH STIMULATION
Lol I just noticed I was watching this with 69 comments
Somehow, I get the feeling that Herschell Gordon Lewis' non-horror films really suck. I started watching "Suburban Roulette" for a review, and I haven't been able to finish it yet. This seems even worse. I like Herschell's horror movies. "A Taste of Blood" is pretty effective, for example. It's like Robert Rodriguez with children's films - when you're good at doing one thing and you try to do another, sometimes it doesn't really work.
I think his partner David F. Friedman was the only one able to break from just doing one movie. He produced many a movie under different genres. Then again Scum of the earth which has Fuad Rameses playing a teenager, is a pretty entertaining movie, so no, I think Lewis could do a good non-horror movie if he tried.
Hey, now, come on...I disagree with you on the subject of Robert Rodriguez's children's films. I love them--I personally love them very much! ^_^ And I think they all work very well, IMHO.
Just putting in my own two cents. ;-)
I thought Peanuts was bullshitting me about old timey dances looking like an epilepsy party.
That fart joke was amazing. Fuck you, von Trier.
OooOoo, actual review of Nymphomaniac, please and thank you
Laughed a ton. Great as ever Brad
But where is Bucky, and what has he had!?
well then.... that was the most awkward thing i've watched in a long time. i've had sex with black women, and this in no way is how it was done lol.... but then again, i'm white. so wtf do i know?... =\
the best part was brad doing that narrator's voice xD
To me looks like the narrator wanted to show black people having sex, but he doesn't wanted it to look very good, probably he was afraid to increase the popularity of the black people in that particular area.
As soon as the video started I wondered "This reminds me a lot of Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song... apparently we think along the same lines... so when are you going to review that one?
Some of the older archived videos of 2009 were brought over from the youtube account before thecinemasnob.com was created, so please forgive the lesser video quality of such as some did not transfer well.