I'm at work and I can't watch this video yet, but thank you for sharing with us. I've struggled with depression for years, and even though I never attempted suicide I did briefly consider it in my darkest hours. Depression is extremely isolating, and it can seem impossible for anyone who hasn't experienced it to understand. A video like this, I hope, will reach someone who feels alone and help them feel, even a little, like there's someone out there who understands.
Thanks, man. I've been there. Happens to all of us, and openness is better for all.
Best of luck to you, buddy.
As a man who suffers a pretty pronounced case of major depression disorder I can safely say depression of any kind is nothing to scoff at. I've wanted to just give up and end it all many times. But despite it I've kept going. And you're work has been a big help to me in easing the pain in some of the darker times of my life. So best of luck to you Brad and keep doing all the things you love to the fullest you possibly can. And maybe I'll see you again in Indy sometime. Shoot some shit about movies again. Take care buddy.
I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. I really hope you feel better soon, Brad.
Yup it's Alone in the Dark from 81.
Depression, it's killer. The first Mrs Onan, a good while after we split, checked out in a similar manner to what you're describing although there was some doubt it was deliberate. Either way she suffered from terrible depression and a bunch of other stuff.
Thank you for making this. Your videos have greatly helped me in the past and are continuing to help me.
Pets are the best. When you've got nothing to live for, you've got to keep going for their sake. No one will take care of them if I'm dead, so I've got to suck it up and keep going.
I failed out of college after five years of aimless class-taking largely due to alcoholism. I've only had a few relationships in the 27 years I've been alive, and none have lasted monger than a couple months. I don't believe there's "someone out there" for me. I have more flaws than Batman v Superman apparently has. In fact, I'm happier with accepting my loneliness than struggle with fighting it. I live with my mother, who's far from being a bundle of joy, telling me how disappointed she is in me at least five times a week. I don't make enough money to even think about moving out on my own, and don't have the social skills for a loyal romantic partner or roommates.
Something I never, ever talk about is the REAL reason I hate guns. I know that, if I owned a gun, I'd blow my brains out within a week. I was pretty suicidal when I was 14-17, but the best way to take myself out was always something I struggled with when I really wanted life to just end. (I was in a psychiatric hospital for a while when I was 16 due to my severe cutting habit.) I wanted something quick, painless, with as little chance of surviving the attempt as possible. Guns are an easy way out, and people who own guns are more likely to commit suicide than those without guns. For my own sake, I hate guns with a burning passion. That's not what I tell people is the reason. But if Brad can talk about this, to give others hope when times are bleak, it's a good enough place for me too.
Blah blah blah, yada yada yada... It's important to find the things to keep you going. For me, it's comedy. I don't watch anything on TV unless it's a comedy. I don't watch movies that aren't either comedy or horror. The drama genre? Dude, I've got plenty of that in my own life, I don't need to immerse myself in others'. Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax are a godsend, a wonderous blend of my two favorite things, comedy and terrible movies. People like Brad appeal to me for that same reason. And, like I said, pets are very healthy to keep around. (Pro tip: dogs provide more love than cats, but don't discount the value of guinea pigs and other rodents.)
Anyways, if you're struggling with depression, find something that makes you laugh. When you're lonely or feel friendless, turn to pets. Those are my suggestions. Depression always ends, but it doesn't have to end with your life. So... Sorry for staking up so much comment space, and feel better soon, Brad et al.
It's strange. I totally get what you're saying, even though I am the exact opposite. For me, dramas about persistent and persevering people are my bread and butter. I look at these stories, be they live-action, western animation or anime, and I get my inspiration and courage from there. As you might be able to guess from my name, I'm a huge Game of Thrones fan, and I get more than a little inspiration from Davos Seaworth--a man who lost nearly everything and yet keeps going. Same goes for Tyrion and Jon and so many others.
Whatever gives you courage. That's all I can add.
By the way, Brad, your point about finding creative outlets hit home for me. The last two years have been rough for me, but I've gotten through them by undertaking a writing project that combines stories I loved when I was younger with those I love now (mostly scifi/fantasy). As of today, I've written seven installments and, once I get some feedback, I may even see if I can get some of them published.
I've been there too, Brad..if not so drastically.
A few years ago, I made a noose and tried to hang myself on my bedroom door. I didn't make any suicide note or anything. Thankfully the noose broke after a bit of me becoming light-headed and fearful and I fell to the bedroom floor.
My reasons are, well, I'm transgender and I just don't have the money to transition so I keep thinking of how I just can't be myself off of the internet in my day to day life along with nothing really seeming to go my way. Combine these with the fact that my mind likes to tell me that no one really likes me and that they just 'tolerate' me.
Sadly, the only reasons I really keep myself alive are that I don't want to hurt those I love and, less so, there's always some new video game that I want to play..currently I want to play Hyrule Warriors Legends, Zelda U, Kingdom Hearts III, and that Final Fantasy VII Remake..I know its a little sad that that last one is a reason..but any reason is a reason, ya know?
I have major depressive disorder and autism, and your videos make my days brighter...
It can't be stressed enough that suicide does more than hurt those closest to you. It can cause life long psychological damage to them...
Probably, but like Brad says and I've experienced, in that moment you're so far gone you don't think of that. You just want to end the pain and can think of no other solution and nothing else registers.
Thanks for doing this. It really helps when I see producers I like making honest videos like this. I've struggled a lot with depression and anxiety, which has led to me being homeless for the past couple of months (last year I was homeless around this time for ~6 weeks).
I have had a hard time with meds. I've been prescribed a couple of different SSRIs, and they made the times when I wasn't doing anything easier, but made working shitty dead-end jobs get much further under my skin. Right now I'm not on anything, but it seems spending all day freelancing for sub-minimum wage takes my mind off the anxiety.
Luckily it looks like I might be getting a proper job sometime soon, but almost more than actually having an apartment, I look forward to having my cat with me again.
Thanks so much for sharing this, Brad. I don't really know what to say about the issue, so I'll leave it to others. But I was pretty moved by it.
Awwww poor baby, Brad I know all your fans will say this but, I care for you, I know what depression is like, and I am cheering for you. give the kitty's a kiss for me~
Thanks for sharing, Brad.
I always suspected you suffered from depression, either a "vibe" I got, or maybe you made mention of it, or medications, before.
Never realized how deep it went for you, however, or (obviously) your suicide attempt. It's odd how much your stories about being in the psych ward seem to line up fairly well with what you usually see on TV and in the movies. I think of the episode of "House" where he's in a psych ward following him detoxing from Vicodin, I always found it odd that while in there he dealt with the usual "psych ward"/hospital tropes like the schizophrenics, the bipolar people, people in catatonic states, etc. I always assumed they separated people based on their "condition" (and more than "critical" cases and "non-critical" cases. That a person recovering from addiction wouldn't be in the same ward as a person needing intensive psychological long-term care because they're catatonic.
So, a person following a suicide attempt who needs treatment would be around people in similar places in life. But, in America, I guess we just don't quite have that robust a psychological care system. Hell, we barely consider psychological issues to be issues. Most of the time, as you note, the idea is "get over it" or "what do you have to be depressed about?" or "there's more worse-off people than you." And the thing is people just don't get it, because depression isn't rational.
As you say, and this is just to repeat it for those reading, when you're depressed logic and rationalism doesn't click with you. It's not something you can get over any more than you can "get over" any other illness.
I suffer from depression and I'm currently on mediation(s) to treat it and while I've only had the faintest of suicidal thoughts, they have gone through me. Luckily I was never low enough to disregard how it'd impact my friends and family or to make any attempts.
I recently came to the conclusion that even under the medication that I'm still depressed. I had a med-check with my psychiatrist a couple months ago and she did the usual thing where you say how you're doing on the 1-10 scale and I gave an 8 or 9. But recently it dawned on me that I'm not that high. I might be a 5.
While I'm not suicidal or "that" sad, it occurred to me I still suffer from other depression signs like lack of motivation, sleeping too much, not taking enjoyment in things that used to please me, half-finished projects, etc. So while I might not be "sad" I'm very, very, neutral. And I wonder if maybe there's more that can be done? If I need better meds? Different meds? I've talked with therapists, but the one I "connected" with the most moved on to a different job and I eventually got another one whom I didn't quite make quite as strong a connection with. I eventually stopped going to him mostly because the copays were getting too much to handle and, it would seem, right now it's hard to get any good therapists because of insurance reasons.
Again, America not really seeing the need for good mental health care.
I see my psychiatrist again in May, hopefully we can work something out.
But, hang in there Brad. As you note, it's hard to really give people in this place in life too much they haven't heard before and stuff a sufferer knows doesn't really "work," you can't just shrug off depression. It's a chemical imbalance in your brain, not something you can just get over or adjust by checking your Thetan levels or whatever Scientology BS.
You make good advice by telling people to keep their minds and selves occupied with things they like to do, but even that can be hard to do when you suffer from depression because sometimes the will and motivation is no longer there.
Keep going at it Brad.
PS/BTW - Because sometimes the little things bug me more than they should.... Are you in a different home? Is this an apartment or a house? I ask this because when you opened the door to let the cat(s) out it looked like it opened into a apartment hall/breezeway. But the "front door" has no deadbolt on it backing it fairly ineffective front door. And I couldn't think of an house floorplan that makes a sitting room like this open into a seemingly day-lit hallway. Anyway, it was just a little thing I notice that sort of bugged.
I've been suffering from depression for a number of years now, myself, and the lows you describe are exactly what I've felt on and off. There were a number of things that happened in my life around the same time that all played some part in causing it (a combination of numerous deaths in the family along with the end of a long-term relationship). It's been really difficult to talk to anyone about it because; 1, I've been out of work; 2, said lack of work means no money for health care/medication, and 3, my immediate family is made up of the kind of folks who think depression is something that you just "get over."
I've been visiting this site for about six years now, and if there's anything I can count on to make me smile, Brad, it's you and your videos. As sappy as that sounds, it really does mean a lot to see someone who I like and enjoy listening to understands what I'm going through. Thank you for the work that you do, because it truly does help me stay away from the lowest of the lows; even though like you said, it's something I have to face day by day. Love you, man.
I've always had/always will have depression. It's genetic in my family and I got diagnosed when I was a kid. I've always been ashamed that I'm too chicken to attempt suicide, but during the worst years of my life, during my identity crisis in college, I drafted many suicides notes and looked up which pills would work the best. I'm scared to live alone, because I get lost in my own mind and can't get out. Beer seems to help, though. If I drink enough, soon I don't care about anything anymore and just exist.
Good luck, Brad. Your videos are always a joy to listen to.
You just described my life, except for the family history part.
I've been watching your stuff since the Video Violence review that I stumbled across on youtube one day and since then you've been my favorite online reviewer. I have great friends, but none of them see films outside of whatever blockbuster is playing so it was great to find a little corner of the internet that reviewed the fucked up movies I liked to watched. Your videos always brighten my day, and you're somebody I really look up to. I also suffer from sever anxiety and depression and especially in the last few months have sort of hit a bad place. I've been in a situation lately that's been pretty psychologically taxing and abusing and lets just say some not great thoughts have occurred to me once or twice. Things are finally starting to brighten up, but I definitely know how you feel. Seeing somebody I enjoy this much and relate to being so open about something like this really does mean a lot to me, and to a lot of other people on here. I know things are shit right now but I hope like hell they get better. Must have been terrifying to record this but if you end up reading this comment just know that it helped people
This is great you can talk and joke about it, but I seriously cannot wait for what excuses the BvS apologists are going to come up with now for you not liking it.
I don't suffer from depression, but I've had bad things happen to me before and the thing that I have found, for me at least, is that talking about my problems with someone helps me a ton. Brad I really thought that was a nice story and I really hope it can help people who may have someone who may need it. I also feel that out of all the people I watch online, you're the most open about yourself. I hope it gets better for you and that you keep releasing the best content online :)
Videos like this are the reason you are different than some random celebrity. I have never met you, you wouldn't know me if we passed on the street (except for me yelling "holy crap, it's Brad Jones!"). But I have heard you talk off the cuff more than most of my actual friends. So despite not knowing you, I do care about you as a person more than some most people I watch online or on TV. It is the reason you started a Patreon and I signed right up. It is the reason you asked for help for Jillian and I was immediately on PayPal (best wishes to her BTW). Heck, I turned adblock off on Youtube mostly to help support you. So, while I couldn't rightly call myself a friend, I can rightly say that I care. It actually hurt me to hear about your split, and if I had seen sooner I would have straight up offered you a ride home from Detroit. Hey, 12 hours in a car isn't too bad with the XM 80's station!
But what I am saying is thank you for sharing and I do hope you get a lot of videos up and they help you. I know they always make my day better, if making them is improving your day as well then I can feel good watching them.
Brad, you're a really strong man able to talk and laugh about past depression and suicide. Depression's a tough thing to deal with, coming first-hand from someone who's been battling it for a long while, and the fact that you can be so open with it too is humbling in a good way. You had my attention long ago when you launched your career as The Cinema Snob, my laughs and unwavering watch as Brad Jones the Midnight Screener, now you have all the respect humanity can give.
It's good to have friends and even pets or possibly fans out there who can be your strength when you need it.
I'm not sure what made you do this video, but I'm glad you did. I also find it odd to say that I enjoyed it, mostly because of what the video was about, but I'm not sure how else to put it. I liked it maybe?
Anyhow, I think you're incredibly brave for doing this. Thank goodness that television wasn't playing A Clockwork Orange at some point!
I certainly hope it wasn't the Mashkey yogurt soda that sent you into this tailspin. Bad attempt at a joke.
BTW, since you're working your buns off, is there any hope in heck that we might finally see "Black Angus"?! Even if it were in another format, like an animated short or a graphic novel of some kind and not a film?
Brad, thank you very much for sharing this. I've come very close to where you were, and I still have a hard time opening up about it. I admire your bravery for putting this out to the world, and wanted to say that if you ever need to publicly get things off your chest like this again, I'm willing to listen.
I was hoping this was another review for a lesser known movie you've recently seen. . . I was wrong.
Anyway, I myself suffered minor depression in High School but never having a girlfriend also may have contributed (something YOU wouldn't understand, stud =) ). I think at some time we all succumb to the troubles of the world or more personal sh*t, nothing to be ashamed of. It truly feels good to open up to someone, & if not you ALWAYS have your pets, they'll love you no matter what.
All that serious stuff aside, I can't help but smirk for your making this particular vid days before Batman v. Superman comes out. Not trying to be funny or pull my DC fan boy crap, which frankly is exhausting, doesn't help that the few lucky online reviewers I regularly watch say it should've been better. I know, surprising right?
Thank you for sharing this with us. I struggle with depression too. I have since high school. It's just the most draining thing. And I learned the hard way to be careful with your meds. Last year I got really sick and neglected to take my antidepressants for about a week and that threw my emotions into a tailspin. I couldn't stop crying and feeling miserable and hopeless and it took me a few days to figure out that it was because I abruptly stopped taking my meds. Won't make that mistake again.
Anyway, I'm glad you wanted to open up about this to help other people. Even on really down days, your videos can get a much needed laugh out of me. And I appreciate that so much. I know you're having a rough time right now but I hope you know your fans are pulling for you.
Is this because of the breakup because this would of been good when Jew Wario killed himself.
I was at that place a few months ago. the norm of the north midnight screening helped quite a bit, actually. It was a nice distraction from having to think and feel when I couldn't sleep. Thanks for this video. It's weird how isolating depression feels, sometimes. For me, it's nice to know I'm not alone in dealing with it.
What's up with Channel Awesome and depression. There's so many who we already know about - Nash, Spoony, Brad, and of course Justin.
I'm a little disappointed you didn't go into what happened last year, Brad. But it's good that you shared this anyway. I think a lot of people with depression watch content like CA videos. I'm looking forward to what you do with your videos during your healing phase. I miss Brad Tries, and especially the Brad Tries with other Team Snob people present. I'd love to see a CA crossover Brad Tries actually, like with Nash or Allison, Shermer's not that far :)
Depression is typically worse among deep and creative thinkers. Obsessing and over-analyzing is what they do. Artists. Comedians. You're talking about people who can't turn their brains off, at least not easily...
Their brains are wired to go think think think think think, and if their thoughts go south, they can dig a pretty deep hole...
rock on, brad. never woulda guessed you had depression of any kind. here's to having "thecinemasnob.com " as my home page for almost 4 years now.
*raises a non-alcoholic drink*
"I got to watch God's Not Dead". Hmm. Does that mean the next Cinema Snob video is of one of the worst films of all time, or is it in reference to the Midnight Screenings review of the upcoming and, if I may say so myself, even more atrocious sequel coming out on April 1st? If so make sure to bring Dave along. It just wouldn't be right without him.
Joking aside, this was a good video. I may not have depression, but I've met people who do have it, and some of my relatives suffer from it as well, so I understand the struggles to a certain extent. It's not something to take lightly.
Had some similar experiences with hospitalization. Thanks for the inspiration to overcome!
well i also suffer from Depression Brad as well, it's never gotten to the point where i actually got as far as you did though. i did see a shrink in high school but it was a guy who didn't know jack shit. i tried to tell him how i was feeling and all he'd say is now tell me what you feel. WTF? in short he wasn't listening to me at all and he brought my mom in some sessions and i just wasn't ready for her to know how i was feeling cause me & my ex GF had broken up and it was my 1st real heartbreak. it took me years to get over it because i couldn't handle it. these days cause that was in (1998)
i still suffer from depression. and i do the same thing you do well people have got it worse than me, that doesn't help at all but what keep me from kiling myself is 2 things. i had an uncle who did do that 9 years ago. he didn't seek help from anyone.
as for me, what keeps me going is i was close to my grandfather as a kid. and he died when i was 12. i never did get over that and it really fucked me up i think for many years and it was years before i realized how much that fucked me up. now i'm not a religious person but i do believe it is possible there is a god. cause there's just so much shit in this world and when you see good things happen there has to be some good up there ya know?
so i'm open to it. what stops me is though i don't pay attention to what's a sin and what's not a sin. it just isn't in my DNA maybe? but if there is a heaven i'd like to think i'll see my grandfather someday after i do die like we all do at some point anyways.
and if i did kill myself who knows if i won't get to see him someday? i'm a more blunt person now than i was back than and that helps me express how i feel about this and that. i can get carried away as well. so i developed a i don't give a fuck atitude. and that keeps me sand and grounded most of the time anyways.
i'm also a very lonely guy as wel as i don't have the luck with women as most guys do. i don't know if it's because of this or not. but i've pretty much given up hope on that front. now i just take it day by day. and music if i listen to certain groups and certain songs do help me get me out of my funk. i don't normally talk a whole lot aobut this kind of stuff.
not that i'm ashamed of it i'm not. it's because when i start talking about it i just can't stop like you and your rambling in the video. i wake up everyday and i try and be in a good mood and that seems to help most days. at my worst i've written some pretty dark fucking poetry on my old puter and i had a word perfect. i sent a really dark poem to someone about how i felt when this one girl choose another guy over me a few years back.
and it was so dark that i hope the FBI doesn't have a file on me because of that. but that was me venting how i felt and that was how i was dealing with it. and like you said if you tell some people i think they try to understand but since they aren't going through ti
they don't fully understand. i used to get pissed as a teen and a kid and say i hate my life and my family would say oh you have it so bad. but what they didn't get is 2 things. 1 was it didn't help my case because it was me acting immature on how young i was back than. 2. when you have a good life and you are dealing with someone who feels they don't because they get picked on a daily basis. at school or at home. you can't very well tell anyone at home how you feel because they aren't what you are going thorugh.
and if you do it's harder i think for them to understand it. at least in my case it's been that way cause that's how i feel about it. i've also wondered when i am at my worst how big my funeral will be and who all will show up? that's dark shit man ya know?
there are very few people i've talked like this openly too. and yes this is the net but i mean off the net. my mom knows i have depression cause i admited it to her when in my late teens or early 20's i think? and yes i did used to take shit for it. but for me it didn't feel like it worked at all man.
she said it did. but what i really ended up doing is figuring out a lot of my own troubles myself and since i'm blunt now and don't give a fuck. i'm more laid back and i get less angerier than i used to because i'd keep my emotions in check and not venting like that woudl just build it and i'd go off and have a really bad temper.
these days i do have days when i get pissed off but not like i used to. so i figured out a way to help myself and i don't want ot hurt anyone because of the temper i used to have.
as for you as for the shit that happend with Jake i got the vibe about your depression. but i haven't gotten it since than. what you should do is write a snob review and let it be a film you hate and write it like you did in the early days when you really pissed off.
rather than your last video when you seemed to be in a good mood. i dunno how else to explain that might help perhaps. and i'm glad you got help. and i also c
oh i forgot to add more one more thing. with the way i feel most days. i';ve never had a serious relationship and it's not by choice either it's just the way it happened i guess you could say. anyways having said that i worry that when and if i do get lucky enough to be in one.
that i won't fuck it up and i wonder how big of a part my depression will be? if at some point it will go away? on that i have no idea but i am a little optimistic on that and hope it does go away at some point. cause in my mind it just seems like that may help how i feel on certain days if i'm in a relationship.
i have no idea if that's just me being in deniel or not. sorry or the shit spelling. but i'd like to think it's me being optimistic and not just kidding myself. cause depression as everyone knows can effect anyone who has it differently and i'm hoping that it will go away if i get that lucky one day and find someone. this is how i
feel on certain days i can't help it. weather i'm kidding myself or not i dunno man. but in short you aren't alone in how ya feel as you can see. and as you also can see when i start typing about this shit i can't stop and when i do i think of other shit to type in hope that i can for a time anyone feel normal well as normal as you can get anyways. rather than feel shitty cause talking about it like you said does help and i always feel a weight has been lifted even though
i didn't realize it anything was on my shoulders in a manner of speaking. ok i'm going to try to stop now. so good luck and i hope you feel better soon man.
Thanks for posting this. My life would have been a little emptier without you. Who else would ever get Tequila and Bonetti references?
Ummm.... well since everybody else here is posting background stories, I guess I might as well too. I've been a chronic anxiety/depression patient since I was a very little girl.... I'm now 47. I was one of those kids that couldn't handle dealing with the outside world, had no friends (books were my friends), and just never left her room. No birthday parties, no sleepovers, no play dates; days were spent drawing & reading & talking to my cat (my best friend).... basically living inside my own head. Probably my worst moment was my anxiety kept me from ever driving (so I've always understood your issues about plane travel).
I've fought some nasty health issues.... the worst being the major nerve damage in my hands that has taken away 1 of the 3 things that made my life worth living - my ART - I used to be an Illustrator(http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/art/a/n/angelique/angelique.html) Unfortunately it's only relatively recently I've been getting help.... in fact it's particularly timely you're talking about this now, since I'm right in the middle of the roller-coaster cycle of trying different meds hoping to find the right one(s) that will help. Fingers crossed.
Fast forward to now: I'm writing this in bed, recovering from recent stomach surgery (having my intestines moved around like a damn ITALIAN ZOMBIE movie, feh!) and I find that when I'm low I'll often watch the same shows over-and-over, kinda like comfort food I suppose. Well ...that's where you come in. I don't know whether it's 'what you say' versus 'how you say it', but I've played through your entire back catalog literally dozens of times ....all with my cat sleeping here on my mouse-hand (Hellooo, carpal tunnel - guess I should be glad my hands are numb!). So I want to thank you from the bottom of my brain-addled heart.... this is one fan who sees you as less 'some guy on the internet' and more a true 'lifesaving medicine for the spirit'..... umm no pressure ;)
hello this is me. well, aside from the part about owning a cat and having stomach surgery. i've been trying to be less of a hermit over the past few years, but i usually just lock myself in my room and try to keep the anxiety at bay with an endless stream of youtube videos, movies, and various creative pursuits, heh.
but yeah. i'm one of those people who will rewatch a review or movie or LP over and over when i'm particularly anxious or depressed. the familiarity and the conversational tone helps calm me down, i think. so while it sucks that you deal with that bullshit as well, i figure a note of solidarity might be nice, heh.
(also, last time i tried to drive, i got as far as starting the car and putting it in reverse, and then i had a panic attack. fun stuff. so i totally feel you on that one, too.)
Oh man....I'm sincerely sorry to hear that. Not the camaraderie mind you, but it's just I wouldn't wish this BS on my worst enemy (hell, not even on some of these board trolls, ha).
Yeah ...I only got about a few yards in a parking lot, but it took me days to peel my nerves off the ceiling after the panicky freak-out. I mean.... you can get around on public transportation if you're in a decently sizable city, but if you're out in the 'backwoods of bumble scum' you don't stand a chance. Your schooling, your career, your family life, your very notion of true 'freedom & choices' - Driving a Car is Everything nowadays.
There have been cats in our family since even before I showed up; the calming effect they have on me has been better than a lot of the meds Docs have tried.... less side effects too (well, maybe not if you include cat box cleaning :D )
But definitely there's something in Brad's (and the rest of the 'Snobby Gang') vids that helps.... kinda not unlike 'comfort food' but 'comfort vids' (I imagine that's partly why pet videos are so big on YouTube).
Or maybe he's a mutant and his voice is his Super Power :)
Wow... well I will join everyone else in admiring your courage and honesty to come out with this and you also did it in a way that I think will be helpful to those dealing with depression themselves or those trying to understand it if someone they love has it. You're description of feeling like a zombie when in the depths of depression is perfect. That's what seems hardest to get across to those without depression - you're not thinking rationally when it gets a hold on you. And, yes, it's been a problem for me too. I never got as far as a real attempt (since the method I considered using was a .303 any attempt would almost certainly have succeeded) but I have had recurrent episodes of major depression starting at 15 which have basically taken a few years out of my life. Neither therapy nor drugs ever really helped and I pretty much just held on with help from family and friends until each episode faded. I haven't had a serious episode for nearly two decades now though so maybe I've got it beat, or at least under control. The lingering effect is that I have a record of recurrent depression that was treated by a psychiatrist which has resulted in me not being able to get a Class 1 pilot's medical so I can't pursue my dream career of being a pilot. I did get the medical required to be a private pilot though so I can do that at least and have flown 1500 hours to date.
Thanks for this Brad, respect for having the guts to open up like this, and I think your advice is very sound. I've been medicated for depression since I was a kid, it later turned out I have bipolar, and I too have been through the very interesting experience of being in a psychiatric ward after a suicide attempt (only we got the standard crappy hospital food, and I don't recall getting to see T2 in there - but there was a smoking area!).
When you're depressed nothing can completely get rid of that deep emptiness inside, but you can sometimes distract yourself from it, and when I'm feeling like shit, I know that if I come and watch a Snob episode, I'll be guaranteed to be laughing my ass off and forgetting my worries, if only for a little while, and it's something I'm really grateful for.
I know I'm just a random guy on the other side the planet you've never met, but damn it you make me laugh, I'm thankful for that, and I really hope you're feeling better.
As you can see by the comments, you are far from alone in this. Whenever I see the statistics of depression in society I am blown away. 1 in 4-5 young people suffer from it. That is scary and baffling, I mean where does this show? This is like the best kept secret. When you're outside or in any social situation the impression that everything is perfect for everybody and that things are looking up is impeccably put on. Nobody seems sad, ever. Everybody just knows that they MUST pretend, or else. Hence the feeling that you are alone.
So let me just say, I also suffer from depression and I also attempted suicide and my issues are not resolved. You, as you said yourself, have a lot going for you. Nice family, great friends and how about that job of yours. That's a score, if I ever saw one. And all that will help, a lot. You also shouldn't dismiss proper medication (especially if the cause is genetic of biological), for the simple reason that it works. I took antidepressants for a while and let me tell you, I was amazed how well they worked. I didn't think they would, but they did. I have no doubt that you will get through this, so feel better man.
Thank you for sharing your story, Brad. Your videos always help to bring my spirits up whenever I've sunk into my own depression.
Nothing like playing some video games and putting on a Snob episode or two at the end of a stressful day :)
While I have never suffered from sever depression like this Brad, I understand what it feels like to be in such a dark place in your mind and how potent those feelings can be. It's good to have family and friends that were willing to help you in your time of need. Even better that you can reflect on this part of life with a little humor. I'm glad you're not going the Charlie Sheen route with Tiger Blood and Winning.
Not to be invasive, but are you bipolar? I've noticed in your videos that you have high energy some moments and then crash in others.
As someone else who has suffered from depression for most of his life, thank you for posting this.
It's something that more people need to talk about because not enough people understand it and not enough people *want* to talk about it.
I really admire your honesty and authenticity! You made a great and very important post, in my humble opinion. I think everyone can relate to the dark times, sad times, downhill times that you describe. You wrapped up this actually sad and difficult phase of your life in a very funny, memorable and entertaining story. I like it very much! Take good care, always look on the bright sight of things.. even though it seems very difficult sometimes.
Greetings from Germany
And this Video and all of your other fabulous work does really help us, too! Trust me and the others.
Keep on working and sharing your love and hate for all the movies of this world.. You do it like no one else.
Thank you for posting this. It is a brave thing to be honest with the world, especially about something so personal and hard to deal with. I've had depression issues off and on for years and this is excellent advice. Your brain can lie to you better than anything or anyone. It knows all your triggers and exactly what to say when. Brains are assholes!
Yoga helps me a lot. Forces your brain to focus intensely on one thing, which helps all the other mental noise be a little quieter.
Love the Snob and Midnight Screenings. Best of luck to you! Keep on keeping on. You entertain a lot of us. Keep doing what you love and we'll keep watching.
This really inspired me to try to keep looking up and not letting depression get me down. I have contiplated killing myself many times but I have never had the "courage" or the means I suppose to do it. Thank god I never have because I realize how stupid I am after thinking those thoughts with a clearer mind a few days later. All of us with depression have to stay strong and stick together, no story is too small or insignificant and hearing about going to a mental facility for a short time doesn't really make me want to visit one. Though the meatloaf and pancakes do sound amazing.
I just wanted to let you know that I was in a very dark place when I discovered TGWTG/Channel Awesome a few years ago. I'd never dare compare it to what people with clinical depression go through, but it was dark and I was alone a lot. Your and Doug's videos especially were an important part of making me smile and laugh again and opened up a whole new world of movies for me. And what you're doing in this video only makes me respect you even more.
You're a good man, Brad Jones.
You're more inspiring to me than any Hollywood lottery winner. You brought a lot of joy to me and mine at a time when we needed it bad. You're one of the lights in the darkness.
Please don't ever forget that.
Another sufferer, although, I've never reached that point.
I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle, Brad. Hugs are going out to you. As well as prayers. I'm a Christian. I pray. (Although looking so forward to your Snob video of "God's Not Dead." Best of luck there for you!)
I've struggled with depression since I was a teenager. I'm not on any meds or anything, but I think I have that seasonal depression thing. I've gone to counseling, where I was diagnosed with mild depression and a mild case of PTSD.
I've never attempted suicide, but I have seriously thought about it. And, I tend to write, to watch movies, to do something to take my mind off of it. I've had friends sit with me to make sure I don't do anything to myself.
Eventually, the sun will come out again, and I'll be my happy self again.
And, I thank you for your story. When you're in the midst of a low point, you think you're the only one who knows how you feel. Who understands the turmoil going on around you.
You've made me laugh, and I respect your opinions about movies. And this video makes me respect you all the more.
Thank you again.
Richard Pryor would be proud.
I've been watching your videos since The Bed that Eats. I suffer from depression/anxiety and I have trouble getting out of bed some days. I don't go out much anymore. I don't have friends so I spend my time watching videos or playing games. I've considered/attempted suicide numerous times. I know how dark that place is. I always look forward to your videos each week.Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I hope things get better for you.
this actually kind of helped me today, I suffer from Manic Depression and I went to impatient treatment 6 years ago when i was 14 and first off, so sorry you had to watch Scream; we had Loony Toons on loop there so that kind of helped in the mornings. But i understand completely what you mean when you say "You're not thinking about how 'Its all going to be OK' or how people DO actually care" when you're in that state of mind. But this story really helped me today. This month has been pretty shit, but the videos you post make me laugh and help me get out of my funk.
take care Brad. keep up the good work. You're not alone
Inb4 Batman v Superman tonight is the final trigger to make him actually do it.
Just watched. Glad you're both taking medicine and regularly seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist. Short of depression brain surgery, which doesn't exist yet, those two are the best things to do. Depression is built in, unfortunately. But it can be contained and mitigated, which is what you're doing right now. You'll make it to the end. You're on track.
Brad, if you don't mind my asking what year did this take place? just curious.
This is the first time I've commented on this site, so I'll keep it brief, but thank you a million, Brad, for sharing such a personal and heartfelt story with everyone. It certainly made me laugh and made my day a little better, too!
And that came out kind of bad so: it's made my day a little better and in addition, made me laugh quite a few times too...
Depression sucks. I've dealt with it all my life. I've come close to committing suicide more than once in my life, but over time, with some help, I've gotten way better. Talking your problems out with someone, no matter who it is, is a tremendous help. That, I think, is the biggest part of what causes depression and suicide. Not having someone to unload your problems onto. No matter how serious the problem may be, talk to someone about it. Even if it's a total stranger. And if you need meds, then go see a doctor and get the medical attention you need. Suicide IS a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Any problem can be overcome. You just have to be willing to find an alternative to ending your life, because nothing is so serious as to end your life over it.
I felt bad for wanting to leave a long-ish comment, but then I saw how long some other ones were, and I'm sure I won't come anywhere close.
I was surprised at how funny this video was (after the rather dark start), and I don't know if it is a sad story, because it's about things getting better and has a hopeful ending. It gives important advice, too, because I know that I also used to think that there were so many people with worse lives than mine, so I shouldn't be depressed, but that doesn't make it go away. There's nothing wrong with seeking help when you have a disease.
It made me think of a lot of things from my past, even before I'd gotten the courage to watch it (with a title like that). My own depression made me want to die, but I never seriously considered taking that final step, and I got better after taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist. My best friend had more trouble, partially due to years of misinformation making her think that medication would trick her into thinking things were better than they were, but she too managed to get well. Another friend never got help, and she ended up jumping in front of a train. What still perplexes me is that almost everyone who knew her said, "But she was always so happy!"
So basically, if you are depressed, try to get help. Talk to other people about it, even though you don't want to, because company is something you really need, despite how much your depressed mind tells you otherwise.
And if you know someone who is depressed, rationalising their problems and telling them to get over it does not help. If anything, it does the opposite. Be there for them and try to get them to see a doctor about it, because depression is a disease which can be treated.
Now that I have a better understanding of it, my bouts of depression aren't all that bad and don't last to long. When it strikes, though, I know that visiting thecinemasnob.com is sure to help.
I hear ya! Depression is a bitch. The 20 sleeping pills I took when I was 15 or something didn't work at all, that's why I'm still here.
I don't like people (always taunting and full of shit) and I don't have friends, work is annoying at best... What keeps me personally on the bright side are animals. I have two cats and two ponies and the responsibility for them, their honesty and the work around them occupies my mind enough to help me get through the dark times. I still cut myself occasionally, but that's not that bad.
Hope you feel better soon. Watch Flesh Gordon 1 and 2, that may help. ;)
Hey Brad, thanks so much for doing this video. I've been dealing with depression my whole adult life, so I understand where you're coming from. I've also been hospitalized for depression, twice actually. I'm up in Canada, so it's a bit different, but in exchange for free healthcare, sometimes you gotta wait in an emergency room for a while, and that's a price I'm willing to pay.
The first time, I told a friend I was feeling suicidal and he called the RCMP on me. That was scary. They ended up taking me to the hospital, and one officer waited with me to see the psychiatrist. Honestly, I'm glad the officer did, because he had a very strong, calm demeanor, that in turn made me calmer.
The second I was hospitalized was a lot worse, even though the RCMP were not involved. It was New Years, I felt horrible, like I had no future, and so I drove myself to the same hospital and admitted myself. They had no room in the psych ward, so I was stuck in a corner of the Emergency Room for three days. Apparently, New Years sucks for everyone, and there were several other people, all young men (I'm a young woman), in that curtained off corner as well, some of which were handcuffed to their beds. That was the worst three days I can remember, but I needed to go through it. Unlike you, I did not want to talk to my family. Eventually, I agreed to let my younger brother bring me a pillow and to see how I was doing. I was so scared of how they would react to what I had decided to do. I never actually attempted suicide, but I was admitted, and I was so scared and ashamed the only person I could talk to about it was my teen aged brother at the time. I eventually got out, never actually going into the psych ward, deciding that being stuck in the emergency room was more than enough for me. It was overall a scary, but eventually experience for me. I was able to make a connection with one of the other patients, and that, I realized, was what I needed. A person to talk to, to make a connection with, much like you did with your old friend when you were committed.
You're right, it does get better. Since then I've switched careers, lost weight, discovered my own limitations and how not to get to that point again. Of course there's been upsets, but overall I'm doing much, much, much better. And I have to say, you, Doug, Nash, and other Channel Awesome guys have been a huge part of that. Especially you, I love listening to your voice, watching your videos, especially the ones with your friends. I've been watching you since your Caligula episodes back in 2010, and I gotta say man, from the bottom of my heart, thanks. I really appreciate what you do. It's kept me, and a lot of other people like me, going.
I know this must have been a very hard video to make and i too have considered suicide many times.
I have suffered manic depression and i still to this day can not get over the death of my sister so i turned to alcohol and Rx pill abuse. I had a serious opiate and benzo addiction that nearly killed me because of it but i managed to fight through it. Brad iam glad there is good people like you still left in this world so know this dont let shit get you down and keep on making us laugh which is the real reason you do this.
I have been watching your videos since the beginning of the Cinema Snob and I haven't posted until now. I also suffer from severe depression. I don't go a week without thinking about suicide. Hell, I held a loaded gun to my head just last week. But I always come up with a reason not to do it.
Your videos have become part of my weekly routine. I also go to the movies every week and it's a tradition of mine to watch your group's reviews after I see a movie. I know that this will sound pathetic (as I'm sure that commentators will point out), but your group as almost started to feel like my friends. I'm a pretty lonely guy, so I have really enjoyed hearing from like-minded people.
Anyway, your videos have been very important to me. I will continue watching. Thank you for everything.
Thanks for posting this video - really.
I had an eerily similar experience a little over year ago. After a night of seriously heavy drinking I tried to hang myself. Wound up being checked into a hospital psych unit to be treated for BI-Polar Disorder, PTSD, and alcoholism.
It's great to hear someone else talk about what goes through your head when you're doing something like that. "Zombie" is really the perfect word. You become absolutely numb.
In my psych unit, the therapist kept playing Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon on the stereo. I mean, it's my favorite album of all time, and musically it's very calming - but perhaps it's not best to play a concept album about how life is absurd and banal, and leads to madness...
Also, a girl with some serious problems tried to go down on me in the middle of the common room... I think she thought I was her fiancee. Obviously, I stopped her - but yeah, that happened...
Anyways, it's really, truly great to hear someone else talk about these kind of things - makes you feel not so alone...
I've been there many times. My hospital and therapy experiences didn't work out so well, mainly because of my social anxiety, can't exactly go to the doctor if I can barely leave my house. I can say that people saying it gets better didn't do much good for me. It always just got worse, till sometimes I honestly believe I no longer have any emotions. What did help me a little was keeping up with things that I do enjoy, like your videos, other shows, hobbies. I was eventually able to push the depression to the back. It's still there, and I'll work on getting therapy, but for now it's like background noise. Not nearly a perfect solution, but a tiny step towards finding one.
Brad, thank you for sharing your story. There was a lot of good advice here and I really like how you told your story. I've suffered through depression since I was a young kid. I won't go into details, but I can pretty easily identify what started it. The occurrence of my bad moods vary, but usually once very month or very couple of months (sometimes more, depending on other things going on) I get into a really bad place. What you said about how you feel at the time and what you think about is exactly how I feel. I never tried to kill myself, but I came very very very close several times. My outlets to help tend to be more media based. I'll put on a movie, watch episodes of a show, zone out to music for a while, or play some random video game. They probably aren't the best outlets, but they've always managed to work well for me. When those don't work as well, I'll turn to a lot of videos from people like you, Linkara, Doug, etc where you can make me laugh or tell some kind of story that gets my mind off of those dark thoughts for a while. A video like this is especially helpful. Hearing your story, and the way you tell it, makes me smile and feel better about my own struggles. So, I say it again, thank you Brad for sharing this story. You've made my night a lot better because of it.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have had a very similar experience with depression, hospitalization, and substance abuse. I've enjoyed your videos for many years, and got the impression that you may have struggled with some of these issues. I applaud the bravery it takes to share this kind of personal information. I've spent many years rebuilding after multiple suicide attempts, and it's hard to explain to people the journey I've been through. After years of counseling, meds, and connecting with friends and family I have learned who I am, and what I want from life. I have a good job, my own car, and a clear direction in life. Few people I work with really understand what an accomplishment all of that is. The people who think "I wanted attention" or that I brought all this on myself have no clue that I've been depressed and bipolar for my entire life, and despite this disability I can be a productive member of society. Having a sense of humor about the whole thing is the best coping mechanism, I think. You're a inspiration to me, and everyone who loves your videos!
I can really relate to what you said about how even though you might rationally know, yes, things will get better and you have family, friends,etc... when you're there and you're really fucking depressed and thinking about doing yourself in, all that is the furthest thing from your mind. It's one of the hardest things to relate to others about depression. It's cool hearing that from someone I respect.
and lol yeah I actually do really respect you, Brad, for your honesty, your incredible depth of cinematic knowledge, your direction (Midnight Heat fuckin rules), and your great sense of humour. Obviously, I don't actually know you, but to the extent that I can from your public persona, you seem like a really cool dude and I hope you hang in there. It can be hard to know what to say or do in those situations, but just know you're good at what you do and you make others happy as well.
also, I really appreciated the levity and realness in this video. I've seen other people do stuff like this and sometimes despite good intentions, they just turn out so cloying and preachy that you tune out, especially if you're depressed. this felt 100% real and was even funny. I think this will actually help people.
Just saw this tonight and I have to say thank you Brad for sharing your story with all of us. It's amazing how I became a fan of yours after I saw your videos on tgwtg back in 2011, which was during the lowest point in my life. I was in a very dark place and your guys' videos were the among the very few things during that time that could make me laugh and kind of helped me to get over my depression. When I first found tgwtg the nostalgia critic and spoony were my favorites, but over the years Brad you became my number one go to reviewer. Even though I'm still a big fan of the nostalgia critic and many of the tgwtg members I can't help but check this site first for new cinema snob vids, midnight screenings and everything else. I dig your subtle sarcastic humor and I really enjoy hearing your thoughts and insights on movies and moviemaking. I'm so sorry that even though I've been a fan of this site for so long this is my first time ever leaving a comment, but I really wanted you to know just how much I appreciate this site and the work you do Brad. It saddens me to hear that you're going through a tough time, but I think you'll pull through it just fine. You sound like you have a great attitude and positive outlook,and even though it's cliche as hell the best you can do is take it one day at a time. In the end you'll see that everything works out for the best and will make you a stronger, better person, again sorry for the cliche but as it turns out it is actually true.To wrap this up, thank you again Brad for everything. You're a good guy and one funny son of a bitch. Remember to keep your head up and most of all keep up the great work! I'll always be looking forward to see what you do next
I read the title as Brad Tries: Suicide for a split second
Reading these comments makes it seem like almost every person who watches these videos has fairly serious depression. While I doubt that's entirely accurate, it is nice to see that I'm not alone. At all.
While I wish success on almost anything, I am very glad you weren't successful on this. Good on you for getting it dealt with. Keep up the good work on your medication and behavioral management.
Depression is a bitch. Thoughts and prayers to my fellow sufferers.
I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and depression. Only a few months ago, I was in inpatient (for the second time) for two weeks and I never thought I would get any better. There was hope course, I put myself there in the first place, but even then, salvation was hard to grasp.
Can definitely relate to the violent programming they play at the hospitals. In my case it was Man on Fire that was playing and we even had a nurse in the room who was ok with letting us watch a man get tortured by Denzel Washington.
More disturbingly, some ass hat in music therapy made us listen to The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel. Dick
Anyway, I am mostly better now, and I actually started a youtube channel of my own to occupy my time.
Thanks for all the work you do.
Sorry for the late comment, but thank you to Brad and most especially to all the commenters willing to share their stories. As a depressed woman, it breaks my heart to see how many of my fellow sufferers have been tragically, massively underserved just because they're men. I've been living with depression longer than Brad, and maybe a lot of the commenters, have been alive and while it often sucks, it can be managed. Don't be afraid to get help, and while it's hard with a condition like depression, stick to it and seek out better treatment if you find health professionals being dismissive about your condition. Best advice? Humor, no matter how dark it can get, is your friend.
It takes a lot of courage to be able to talk about this so publicly.
But I can't help but just remember when you had that bad fall from your epilepsy and Angry Jackass claimed that you claimed you made an attempt which led to his "using his kung-fu to judo flip you". If that asshole knew you for so long before he pulled his final dick move in your friendship, he'd KNOW about this.
...And he still made that story up to get people to support him. Just when I thought he couldn't be more of an irredeemable shit.
Very good vlog. Thank you for sharing this.
I'm going to miss this video...
do you still have this video floating around somewhere? i have depression and i used to watch this video for comfort a lot, particularly when i'd be feeling down and numb.
thanks for readin', and thanks for sharing this video in the first place.
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