Well, I was gonna go to sleep.
I was gonna masterbate, then I saw this video, and I decided to still masterbate. I just used the sounds of Brad's and Dave's voices, while I am watching pictures of cat's shitting.... oh yeah, it is hot :-)
You must be this movie's directer.
My day just got better!
How much do you guys wanna bet this will be number 1 on Brad's worst films of 2015 list?
It'll have to compete with The Loft.
So, worst movie of the year so far???
Doesn't it make you wish that the summer movie season come sooner, so you can see Downey vs. Spader???
... Or you can watch the movie that Brad mentioned in this video, 'Less Than Zero'
Talk about great timing! .... I'm sick as a drunk dog and the only cure (besides 'more cowbell') is a patented Jebus-movie rant, from the masters of the genre. :)
This movie sounds like a really fucked up spin off of Sunny starring Dennis Reynolds. Ugh.
It kind of does. The most fucked up part is that it's supposed to be a romcom.
Oh my god! I'm actually kind of glad I didn't listen to my curiosity and go see this. Just hearing it being described is making my head explode! What the hell religious people!
Hey, don't blame all of us; the guy who made this film is just freaking insane.
When It comes to animal sound effects: When in doubt, bet on Frank Welker.
50 Shades of Mass
50 Shades of Jesus
Okay, I'm not through the review yet, because I have to go to bed now. From what I heard so far though, this could be reworked into a psychological thriller. Picture it. Girl movies to a new town and rents and a room from a handsome, seemingly morally upstanding young man. She winds up in this weird, religious relationship with him, but over time she beings to find remnants of his past. Not only does she find the date-rapey videos, but she also finds missing posters of the women in the videos. She then begins finding trinkets that once belonged to the women, such as a necklace one was wearing in the videos. Slowly she begins to piece together that clay had something to do with their disappearance. Eventually she uncovers a body and discovers that Clay is a serial killer who murders women he thinks are "dirty". The whole this ends with a fight scene in the woodworking shop where she kills him with a circular saw.
Please make this movie, or direct me where i could see a movie like this.
Someone make this movie!
my night just took a turn for the better
ooooo! Zachius burn!
Christian movies, and 50 Shades of Grey. Two awful things that go awful together!
The movie combo equivalent of toothpaste and OJ.
BTW Dave, I don't know if you saw last Tuesday night's episode of Tosh.O, but Daniel was interviewing some crazy Christian lady who was in a viral clip talking about the devilish symbols on a Monster energy drink can! They even show another clip of that same woman grabbing the mic at a Texas Muslim rally like she's Kanye West! I would love your take on that!
Sorry, but this movie sounds like a parody.
Are you sure you weren't trolled?
Maybe you trolled us?
Are we sure this movie exists?
If this movie doesn't exist, do I exist?
Am I just lone stain on the cosmic cycle? /Malick
I feel the need to look askance at anyone who sees chaperones as charmingly old fashioned, respectful, or romantic. The reasons they didn't want people to have sex before marriage are none of the above.
Marriage frequently was a business in the upper classes. Besides the women are somehow ruined if they have sex with someone they don't take to the alter, there was stds. It's hard to marry your child off for social and financial benefit if they are suffering from syphilis.
If neither of you want to have sex before marriage, that's fine. Do normal things like talk about it and place trust in that person. If you don't believe this person will take no if things get heated, get the fuck out. They are a rapist.
I agree with you 100% about the stripper and bodyguard. Wasting their time and not paying them is such a disrespectful dick move. It's like instead of tipping your server you leave a pamphlet.
If I ever own a restaurant, It will be closed on Sundays, solely because I wouldn't want my employees to have to deal with church groups and their atrocious tipping habits.
I religious and I always tip as a) I workin a bar ometimes and b) people ned tips to live tsjust ertain groups who don't do it. Douchebas is here nme
I don't believe in tips...
DirtyGary, On an individual basis, I'm sure Religious people are fine tippers. But when you have seven of them at one table, and they tip with a pamphlet, that's a whole bucket load of nope.
Mr.Pink, even though I disagree with your views on tipping, you're still my favorite Tarantino character.
Alastair: Thanks BTW do you know a place where I can safely deposit diamonds w/o having to give my name?
From what I've been able to find on the internet the book in the movie is based on this, 12 Questions to Ask Before You Marry by Clayton King.
According to the Wikipedia article from the future, it opened at #55 at the box office. 55. The Identical opened at #12.
It expanded to a lot more theaters the next week and moved up to #16. Also, keep in mind that even after that expansion, this movie had only 1/9th the amount of theaters that The Identical had. So The Identical is still relatively the bigger flop, from a box-office perspective.
... I would have enjoyed it if this audience was full of 40 year old cougar nuns. Just the image of the audience looking like the 50 shades of grey audience, but celibate in a barely contained nunsplotation type way.....
But at this point you could probably make a spoof movie of christian movies a la scary movie and fit this one in there.
All these crazy christian movies are getting more and more ridiculous. Why can't there be a Rastafarian movie where they hand out blunts to movie goers to enhance the experience?
Brad, was this better or worse than the Endless Love remake?
I think the "worst romance ever" comment indicates that this was worse. Also considering he thought this was worse than Mom's Night Out, which was higher than Endless Love on the worst movies of 2014 list.
I get what you all were trying to say about Girls Gone Wild, and I agree the film sounds awful, but to its credit, Joe Francis, the creator, has been accused of rape before: http://www.latimes.com/style/la-tm-gonewild32aug06-story.html#page=1
God damnit, this sounds like the most fedora movie I have ever heard of and it's religious! I'm a sucker for romantic movies but this sounds jus straight up retarded.
Also Brad, start wearing a snapback, please, you would be so baller with that.
... is baller something that Brad would want to be?
baller (n) -a person or device that makes or forms something into balls
This movie sounds like a set up for an episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.
This movie is playing in my hometown. I'm going to go see it tomorrow with my girl and fuck during it.
Are you the same couple that went to see the night show of Mr. Popper's Penguins that one time, by chance?
Like Brad I know a lot of religious people, and yea I've never heard this shit either. No sex till marriage? Pretty standard, and if people wana do that more power to them. No kissing till marriage? Sounds pretty Puritanical. Don't wana be in the same room as a woman? Sounds like those super de duper fundamentalist sects were they think if a man and woman make eye contact it will lead to sex.
Then when you said the main actor, writer, and director, were all the same person, it all came into place. I'd bet that the movie's autobiographical and the guy has a lot of issues that he tried to sort out in the film.
God in heaven. I believe in sex before marriage as a religious person as jesus is against divorce and that's one way making sure you don't get a divorce.
Really? Jesus was against divorce? Where in the Bible does it specifically say that HE was against divorce, and not just something written by some old man misinterpreting something Jesus said?
Also, just because a couple, ANY COUPLE, has sex before marriage, isn't a guarantee that they'll never divorce. Marriage is founded on a lot more than whether your partner is a good fuck.
Virtually none of this stuff has anything really to do with the attitude towards women in the bible. Men could do pretty much whatever they wanted to women.
Hey Brad. Has "It Follows" come up already? I saw it a few days ago and I'm really curious what you guys thought about it.
The pre-play image really says it all. The glee on Dave's face and the way Brad just looks defeated.
Are you ever going to see 'American Sniper'?
He already reviewed it. It wasn't a midnight screening.
Shit I've got to see another holy roller movie. You're making me addicted to seeking this stuff out..
RED, GREEN, YELLOW: how marriage is supposed to work.
brad you usually don't offend me but as religious person the implication we wan see this horseshit makes me question your sanity. No I don't want t see this. No I find this sot of thing insulting, look I found the Passion offensive and rubbish, I will find this the same. hey both suck. It makes me want to make a religions themed movie at least he I know it would be entertaining. Here's my idea a bunch of women on nigh out get hit by pervy guy. They are all members foa c hruc group and have tog home after killing the fucker for nearly raping one of them, its basicially the warriors wit religious peoples there done.
He didn't say all Christians want to see films like this. He and Dave explicitly stated that most Christians are decent, ethical people. They said that films like these are made for and by the most radical and insane among the faith, not the Christian community in general.
Henry Fonda won the Academy Award for On Golden Pond. A great actor in a great movie.
first, Best lines ever: 'Have fun dying alone."
watching the trailer, I thought the premise of the movie was about the old fashioned way of chivalry, protocol, and etiquette was done back in the olden days - like 100s if not over a 1000 years. You know back in the day of kings, queens, lords, ladies, and knights. Women had escorts, and always had someone to verify their 'purity'. Interesting premise, but I think the writer/director/actor screwed up thinking that is somehow better instead of incredibly oppressive to women.This, btw, is similar to how radical muslims want women to be treated. you know, the old fashioned way.
If you want a bad religious film that misses its own point check out C Me Dance
There has only been 2 christian movies that I liked. Prince of Egypt and The Passion. The rest were either ok enough to be Hallmark movies or just plain stupid. Wait...would The Exorcist be a christian movie? Anyways, the point is that I would love to see more movies based on religion, but done right. As a catholic, I would not mind seeing more religious movies being made with a good story. It bothers me that a good religious movie is hard to come by because no one wants to put any effort into their story.
Enjoyed Prince of Egypt, didn't care much for Passion although I'd say it's well-done for what it is.
Ben-Hur, however, is one of my Top 10 favourite movies of all time. I've got the soundtrack on my phone.
I am a Christian (non-denominational), and have seen every single one of the Midnight Screenings videos for the religious movies. And I fully agree with what Brad and Dave had to say about them, especially in God's Not Dead.
Who the hell in the film industry is/are pushing to get all these shitty religious movies into cinemas?
I still want to find and watch Saving Christmas so I could laugh at Kirk Cameron's delusional ideas for what a 'proper' Christian is supposed to be.
Heck, the best movie with religious themes in it in 2014 was Fury.
I agree with Brad and Dave that they are boring movies, but I don't know if God's Not Dead deserves the hate that it has gotten. The movie itself no doubt has flaws, but it is one of those movies that should have gone straight to the Hallmark channel. I understand that about the theme of people that are religious are being persecuted for their beliefs and just because no one else has seen this happen in person does not mean that it isn't happening and it does try to relate to those situations. The problems I have with God's Not Dead is that the story was executed poorly and the hardcore fans. A friend of mine who is hardcore christian LOVES this movie like it was MOTYAY and she forced me to sit down and watch it. So while she has me watching this movie, I was so bored that I just wanted to talk about the movie while it was playing. I started out pointing out small mistakes in the movie and she got so offended by that. Anyways, in my opinion if any hate should be towards a christian film I think Noah deserves it more than God's Not Dead.
I am curious about Saving Christmas as well, but I don't know if I agree with Brad that it is worth the purchase. I may just download it and watch it on my computer.
Speaking of Ben-Hur...I'm REALLY FUCKING WORRIED about the REMAKE that we're getting next February... http://culthub.com/2015/02/timur-bekmambetovs-ben-hur-remake-begins-filming/
Mark Burnett & Roma Downey are involved....*shudders to myself*
Bible movies USED to be REALLY good in the 50's & 60's with epics like "The Ten Commandments", "Ben-Hur", "Quo Vadis", and "King of Kings".
I want some kind of Dogma-like renissance. We start getting adult-themed, modern fantasies that aren't afraid to attack hypocracy but ultimately has a side that turns around and is reassuring in a strange way.
I'm a Christian, and I am SO sorry that people of my faith had to make these horrible movies. All it's doing is giving us a bad reputation.
I hope that at some point, you'll come across a GOOD religious movie. I can't stand that my own people are making you guys suffer.
There's a hell of a lot more than stupid movies giving you all a bad reputation.
Well, as a former Christian, I know plenty of people who enjoy trash like this. I've lost count of the number of sexually confused, purity-obsessed, "porn addicts" I've met in church. And last time I checked the abstinence industry was still trying to turn kids into precisely the kind of neurotic messes that wrote/directed/starred in this film.
If you're worried about a bad reputation maybe you should take it up with the massive contingent of your community that actually believes this stuff.
Hey, come on Billy and yo... this is clearly a nice person. There is no reason to talk like that to someone who is needlessly apologizing for a movie they had nothing to do with.
Also, the movie doesn't represent any religion as a whole, just a demented few.
This "massive contingent of your community that actually believes this stuff" is composed of various radical sects which popped up recently in the USA and have nothing to do with mainstream Christianity. Talking to those people is pointless, they aren't going to stop being radical or listen to authority.
There's a remake of Ben-Hur that we're getting next February...
The bachelor party scene sounds almost exactly like that "Rock: It's Your Decision" movie. But honesty, if they framed this movie differently, it sounds like it could be an extremely dark comedy along the lines of "Heathers."
"Chivalry makes it back"? That line really made me wanna play Chivalry.
For the King of the North!
You Mr. Brad, just got your shot.....of Jesus!
Dude your review of this is on Wikipedia!
Do you plan on seeing Mordecai? I think you mentionned you intended to see it in one of the midnight screening videos.
so when will brian, irving, and jake see chappie?
I took a screenwriting class which was taught by the producer on Old Fashioned.
How does this movie even have 21% on RT?
6.7 on imdb, with some hilarious (positive) reviews...
Hey Brad this review made it on the Old Fashioned's Wikipedia page! It says: "Film critic Brad Jones of The Cinema Snob called the film the "Worst romance film of all time."
I guess "Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas" did well financially, because it's rumored a new "Kirk Cameron's Saving ... " film is in the works. Not sure what he's saving this time.
I bet its Thanksgiving.
Kik Cameron explains how the genocide of the Native Americas was the Lords work, and why the turkey represents the flesh of Christ.
Nah, let's be real here, it'll probably be "Kirk Cameron's Saving Easter". I'd love to see what convoluted explanation he can pull out of his ass to link the Easter Bunny and painted hard-boiled eggs to Jesus' resurrection. See if it compares to his crucifix/Christmas tree spiel. He'll probably throw in some Pagan bashing too (seeing as how Easter was originally Ostra.)
Oh god, please make that last word be easter! I'll donate!
Explain that shit Kirk!
What does the egg laying rabbit mean Kirk?
Dunno if you looked in-depth at Clay's IMDB profile but he produced a film about Jesus and McDonalds called 'The McPassion'. Some of the character names include gems like: 'Boy with McLast Supper', '"It's safe" Dad' and my personal favourite: 'Mom with Moist Towelette'.
I insist that this be reviewed. For the good of all mankind.
I love that the page put "Mom with moist" and "towelette" on separate lines
Why is so much of religion focused on stopping people from having sex?
Seriously. It's always been very weird to me.
Look, sex is an incredibly basic aspect of life, and yet the major religions all attempt to discourage it. They just want to stop people from fucking for fun, which is unnatural on its very face.
This phenomenon, I think, is at the root of all resistance to religion. If it weren't for that one caveat ("No sexual pleasure for its own sake!"), I suspect that many people who have abandoned religion wouldn't have....
I don't believe that any god exists. At one time, I did...but the whole concept falls apart once you start thinking about it enough, and for me, the "NO SEXUAL PLEASURE ALLOWED" part of the deal is where I started to break with, and question, the entire thing.
Yes, I realize that, two thousand years ago, they tried to find a way to stop the spread of some diseases, so they incorporated some rules into their religion, but that's just the thing: all of the the big religions are simply products of their time. Somebody just made the whole fucking thing up!!!
...Everything falls apart from there. They're all bullshit.
As far as I can tell, sexual pleasure is absolutely encouraged in the bible amongst married couples and, while I can't speak for every christian community, my own community doesn't pretend that it doesn't exist or say that sex can't be enjoyed it for its own sake.
"Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies" - Song of Songs 4:5
"My lover is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies" - Song of Song 2:16
I mean think about it (hoping not to sound condescending), by our logic, why would God make it that reproduction is as fun and pleasurable as it is? However, according to our beliefs, participating in sexual activity outside of marriage and with multiple people is a perversion of the beautiful thing God gave us for a specific purpose.
That purpose being more than just simply to reproduce, but to connect and unify two people in a uniquely intimate way.
This movie sounds kinda weird tho...
As a Christian, I can confirm this is the attitude of the religion as a whole (Can't speak for whatever weird positions individuals have taken on the subject). If anything, we prize sex MORE than society at large, which is why we believe in so placing so many restrictions on it: it's the greatest earthly connection that two people can have, and we don't believe it should be done between any two people who aren't totally and utterly devoted to each other.
Because according to the Bible, you should only be having sex as a means of procreation. If I remember correctly, besides it being a means to carry on a man's legacy, it was also to help populate the Earth, and a means of slave labor without using actual slaves.
I get the feeling everyone from Team Snob saw this and said to themselves "NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS, ASSHOLE!" Sorry to kick you when you're down, Brad, but you tend to send your friends to a lot of shitty movies. This feels like a bit of karmic payback.
As far as this movie goes, its another reason why certain religions need to weed out the more moronic spokespeople in their group if they ever want to be taken seriously.
Needs more ED-209.
What's Clay gonna do if his girlfriend is barren?
25 to life.
Which movie was less romantic, "Old Fashioned" or "The Loft"?
Sounds to me like Fires on the plain is more romantic than this.
I Spit On Your Grave is probably a better romance movie than this.
You guys need to record a rifftrax for Kirk Cameron Xmas to play along when it hits video.
YOure one to talk Brad. remember when you made Sarah cry on camera? ;) http://blip.tv/the-cinema-snob/brad-makes-sarah-cry-4938357
*at the end of the video*
Now show us your tits!
What in the hell, don't let Dave get away with this. Send him to the next screening. Give him 200$ in tips as payment. And maybe send Sarah with him.
Dammit, why do these people have to keep attempting to make films?. I'm a devoted Catholic, and these movies hurt my religion more than most Richard Dawkins types: they're giving the impression that we're all fundamentalist fools. I think seeing one of these movies would be a similar experience for me to what seeing "Wired" was like for Brad: watching something incredibly important to you made into a joke by people trying to praise it. It angers me to no end that these nutjobs are becoming the standard image of Christians in America just because they're the only ones who can get movies made.
Unfortunately, it's Evangelicals that make these sorts of movies. It's the primary religion of conservative, redneck, America that's afraid of everything.
I know a large number of evangelicals and I really don't appreciate you discounting their beliefs just because it's not your brand of Christianity. These people exist. They sincerely believe this stuff and it's utterly reprehensible that you people would try to save face by insulting them.
What are you from Dallas or something?
Minus my rude adjectives, it's the truth. This kind of movie doesn't come Catholicism or Eastern Orthodoxy and the Mormons make better movies then Old Fashioned. So who else but the Evangelical sect? They can screen these movies in their mega-churches.
I get the feeling that it may be necessary to bring back state control over religion, or perhaps give the United Nations some agency to create international law for religions. This kind of control would hopefully help prevent such radical fundamentalist sects from popping up and continuing to function.
In space we can fuck as much as we want.
Wish Sarah saw it with you. I'm sure she might have "love" it.
So ...the movie must've been soooo good man.
Ugh the whole women are baby factories and you know what fuck it. this movie doesn't even deserve the whole feminist speech. or rather humanist speech
I don't get the whole you can hang with the opposite sex bull or you get sex come on man this movie and half the world needs a reality check
I want Fat Grandma to review *loud Southern accent" OOOLD FASHION'D BOY!
I'm pretty sure iRawss said in one of his reviews that the writer/directer/star grew up amish... which explains a few things
It's not the same guy.
Before I start watching "Chappie" review, I must say it right now: I still cannot fucking believe that literally NO ONE made any actual "Appleseed"-related mentions/jokes in the previous videos where you were discussing Chappie trailers and etc., even before you've gone to seethe actual movie.
Design of Chappie itself is basically an almost complete 1-to-1 ripoff of the Briareos from "Appleseed" series (with just one exception that Chappie is a 100% mechanical being build from scratch, while Briareos been human before and is only 95% cyborg now, still keeping his humanity intact, just like Alex Murphy).
How the fuck did this get a release, this is as creepy as any fucked up slasher movie
Dave is just loving it! Just seeing Brad suffer through that horrible movie is giving him such joy XD I guess its karma for making him sit through bad movies. But as we all know there will be another movie just as bad as this one and Brad will get back at him big time.
Many of Christians that believe that Atheist are hateful jerks that want to destroy their religious beliefs and hate all people who are religious need to stop reading the comment sections on YouTube. Seriously, YouTube's comment sections have set mankind back by 100 years or so.
I feel so bad for you having to see this movie alone after coaxing Dave, Angry Jake and Slaver Brian into seeing shitty movies
Forgot to mention Racist Irving
How did this movie get release in theaters is puzzling. I don't even know how would you market this thing to a wider audience.
Let alone a smaller demographic
You know a Christian romance movie is bad when you can name eroge set in a Christian school that do it so much better even if the writers have a Wikipedia read at best knowledge of the religion.
You should do the kirk cameron's recovering atheist reaction video, I would love to see and hear dave reaction. Its abad video.
Why does Dave always have to mention he's an "Atheist" in any and every movie review regardless what it's about?
Brad: I saw the Muppet's Take Manhatten today
Dave: Well I'm an atheist and this is what I think about Kermit the Frog.
Brad: McDonalds has the McRib it's back!
Dave: Well I'm an Atheist and this is what I think about the McRib.
Brad: I just save money on my car Insurance!
Dave: Well I'm an Atheist and this is what I think about car insurance
lol correct me if I'm wrong, but when has Dave said that he's an atheist in a review that wasn't for one of the religious movies when it's pertinent to the conversation?
"THIS IS WHY I'M A FUCKING ATHEIST!!!"
- Dave Gobble, 2012 (Midnight Screenings: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace 3D)
There's 1 :) But to be fair the movie was about Space Jesus.
"THIS IS WHY I'M A FUCKING ATHEIST!!!"
.... is the obvious retort to being prodded about Space Jesus & Space Heaven. It's the kind of go-to, joking answer anyone in his position would give whether atheist or not (I know that's what flew through my head right before he said it).
How many religious movies do they do again? Oh yeah, plenty. And what is THEIR (the movies') circulation vs the traffic on this site? Yeah . . . forgive me if a voice contrasting those on every street corner and now in almost every theater is something I find welcome for a change.
I'm on the dozen-th rotation of watching all your old vids again and was reminded of something:
A couple years back you promised to feature Lenzi's 'Eaten Alive'.....
Can we see that soon since you're spotlighting Italian Horror lately?
Interesting tidbit, I found the book in question in this piece of shit. it's called of all things The Old Fashioned Way: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Romance.
http://amzn.to/1A857hd (Link is safe just shortened for length)
I still can't believe this misogynistic pos exists, nor that this book has glowing reviews.
My sister dragged me into a Christian bookstore today, and I just saw that book in the flesh! I came here to see if anyone else had mentioned it.
Apparently, it's not the book the pastor gave the couple in the movie. It's actually a handbook based ON the movie. Which is terrifying. (That's what it said on the cover, anyway. I was too afraid to actually pick it up.)
This have nothing to do with the movie, but just so you guys know, Girls Gone Wild really is pretty despicable. Here's a thing: http://www.latimes.com/style/la-tm-gonewild32aug06-story.html
Anyway, this was a fun review. The movie sounds just excruciating.
50 Shades of Grey was a better love story than this. At least I can buy that a women loves a man who dominates her. I can't buy that this former pornographer who preaches religion down peoples throats can get a beautiful girlfriend who could tolerate him.