Now let's see if this heaven thing is legit.
That's funny. Leah not in the video. I'm starting to feel that she left the site....
What's the big deal? Leah's not been in a video for absolutely ages but nor has Jerrid or Nick with the glasses. It's not like all the people in these reviews are officially employed by The Cinema Snob Corporation and have contracts and shit. I just get the impression that often Brad's happy to involve whoever has gone to see the movie with him so long as they don't mind being in a video. Maybe Leah was dating someone else on the site but the relationship has since ended, or she's changed jobs and can't do videos any more or she moved out of town? Leah was great in the reviews she was involved in but it's not like she was a huge part of the site with her own show and stuff. I don't know why you'd expect her to be in one of these videos at this juncture.
I only started watching these videos. How'd I know what's current?
Well the fact that they're all posted in reverse chronological order and have dates clearly attached to them might help. but that aside, I was in a bad mood yesterday and maybe I was being kind of jerk so just ignore me.
What I meant was--its not like I'm watching in order, I'm not certain when she departed, but I do watch the recent videos and from time-in-time again I'll go into the archives and see a Leah video
It's not like the there is a Snob roaster listed. Heck, to me, Leah might have left half a year ago.
Anyways, I'm looking forward to the next Leah vid, Brad! Bring her out of retirement.
David, no harm done.
I hope you got Linkara to cameo in his Fat Grandma getup for that particular video. Maybe his only line will be, "I'mma gonna slap Sasquatch in the mouth for ruining my day!"
If Fat Grandma is involved, shouldn't it really be Sassquatch?
Only one more Bible movie to go. Exodus, in which batman plays Moses.
They already made that. They called it Prince of Egypt.
That legit made me laugh. Anne, you earn an internet for the day/night.
Check out the 14 year old Wendy Chousmatison's account of heaven and the afterlife. It has angered a lot of religious people, so you know it has to be good...
Story is a hoax. San Narciso County does not even exist.
"Story is a hoax"
Well, you're no fun...
If this was written by Randall Wallace then I'm not surprised this movie sucked. Pearl Harbour was so bad that while I was watching it I turned into a Japanese man and flew a plane into my TV screen.
Kyoudai we didn't even fly Kamikaze in 1941 what are you talking about
Yet in the movie Pearl Harbour we see Japanese pilots involved in a Kamikaze ritual, donning the headbands and drinking sake, so it must be true!
But in reality of course you're correct (with the arguable exception of Lt Iida Fusata who I believe attempted a suicide run but was unsuccessful). And this anachronism is just the tip of the iceberg of problems with my joke: I don't actually have the ability to change suddenly race and my living room isn't large enough for me to fly a Japanese aircraft in it. What was I thinking?
that should read "suddenly change race".
I can't even write a riposte without glaring errors!
The kids tweets make it sound like he's one day going to make a lady suit and dance to 'Goodbye Horses'.
Colton Burpo. That sounds like the name of character from the Star Wars expanded universe.
I don't know if it is the lighting but it looks like dave has the same problem as me when winter hit he put on some weight. have to see when summer midnight screenings he will lose the weight
Holy shit that's downright terrifying.
So just The Quiet Ones and Brick Mansions tonight, eh? No Jaime Lannister's lactating nipples? So disappointed. Though probably a good thing since next weekend I don't think anything is playing against ASM2 Thursday night, so someone has to suffer the indignity of The Other Woman.
The tweets read like a children's version of all of Paul's inner monologues from Dune.
In order to lead them, I must conquer the worm. Conquer Shai-Hulud.
Father! The sleeper has awakened!
...and of course,
My name is a killing word.
As a companion to the earlier "Mom says I came back different", today there's "Since I came back, Dad stares right through me."
"If you take a slice of pizza in heaven. It grows back."
So apparently in heaven food is like Wolverine's healing factor. Not to mention why the fuck do you even need to eat in heaven? You're fucking dead!
> I asked God when I would see him again. He winked and said "Soon."
That's fucking terrifying.
I just looked up the link and it said the account was suspended. That was surprisingly quick!
not to sound dickish, but is it just me or has dave packed on a few pounds?
Jesus, you guys are kind of harsh sometimes. You'll give the poor guy a complex.
And I'm actually liking this slightly more cuddly version of Dave anyway. In fact I'm considering starting a "The People Who Look Like Max Force" blog. Maybe that'll give him the confidence boost he needs after reading these scathing comments.
Do eet! I would totally subscribe for more Dave awesomeness!
some people put on weight during winter and burn it off during the summer.
Oh my God, that Twitter account is amazing.
Amazingly hilarious! I fucking cried laughing reading it.
Re: "You don't know what seeing God does to a person."
I vaguely remember an Old Testament story where Moses asked if he could see what God looks like, and he and God had to go through this weird process so Moses would only see God from behind because seeing God's face would really mess Moses up.
Informative of the Twitter account?
I think Elijah let him look at him full-frontal, though
^I mean God let Elijah look. Or maybe it was Ezekiel
am i the only one who wants to see a movie about that little girl beating people up now? THAT sounds way more fun.
If I could make it out to the con I would just to get the chance to meet you guys. If Dave did in fact make good on his promise of dick-signing one of the DVDs I'd demand he do so in cursive, with "With Love, From MAX FORCE" and would accept nothing less.
As always thanks guys for braving the boring, bad, and the frankly weird of midnight screenings, we appreciate your sacrifice, as well as the entertainment it provides.
What days are you guys gonna be at C2E2? I tried wading through the site for it but I couldn't find anything about you guys on there.
"God will claim all his children, because of what i have seen i am always ready to die"
Shit is creepy gold. He's already writing religiously insane villain dialog. He's got the back story for it.
Now i want to hear all of these quotes ready by Jeremy Irons, Daniel Day Lewis, Tywin Lannister, Alan Rickman or Anthony Hopkins.
Please tell me they ended the movie with a freeze-frame fading into the credits and playing the theme from Caddyshack.
"In heaven, if you take a slice of pizza, then the slice will grow back." tweet from Colton Burpo. Infinite pizza mode is a thumbs up in my book.
Is anyone else disappointed that Sarah and Brian weren't doing this review?
Those Twitter posts sounds like some real Red Dragon shit. "You are privy to a great becoming, but you recognize nothing."
Bill and Ted went to Heaven and met God. They didn't become insane.
So glad I checked out his Twitter account.
wait wait, did Dave say he was going to have wet dreams about that kid? I mean where I'm from saying shit like that gets you put on all manner of lists, the kinds that stop you from working in schools
"Weird dreams". Not wet dreams. Where I'm from, saying you'll have wet dreams about a little boy gets you a good kicking by your fellow inmates.
Pretty sure it was "wet", though presumably it was more along the lines of nightmares that would make him piss himself than the more colloquial meaning of the term.
I'm pretty sure it was "whet" dreams:
verb (used with object), whet·ted, whet·ting.
to sharpen (a knife, tool, etc.) by grinding or friction.
to make keen or eager; stimulate: to whet the appetite; to whet the curiosity.
the act of whetting.
something that whets; appetizer or drink.
Chiefly Southern U.S.
a spell of work.
a while: to talk a whet.
"In heaven you can shoot guns at each other for fun. #HeavenIsForRealMovie"
Colton Burpo will not go to Hell, because he creeps out Satan.
My Twitter Account is totes real yo
"Jesus smelled amazing." "Only three other people could know how I feel: Adam, Eve, and beautiful, troubled Lucifer"
... Wow. If I were a little younger, I'd probably have nightmares about this kid coming to 'purge my town by fire'.
Am I the only one who thought of that Simpsons' line "I am the Angel of Death the time of purification is at hand" when I read that kid's twitter account. Brad is right that kid is going to kill a boat load of people. Do not give that kid any guns or explosives.
Twitter hasn't verified my account as real, the official website for the movie doesn't link to my account, and the Twitter account for the movie doesn't follow me on Twitter. I will make them believe.
"There was a 13 year old behind the counter. I was speaking her language, she knew exactly what I wanted"
Colton Burpos interview- I've never cringed so hard before.
I think this should have involved the song "Heaven is a Place on Earth"
I just checked Colton's Twitter account, it's been suspended.
Wait, Colton Burpo died and went to Heaven but he's still living on Earth?
So he was not allowed to stay and they kicked him out...that is how annoying he is, even God got pissed off and didn't want to put up with him.
I have to wonder whether the twitter account was just a very clever parody, or whether I've succumbed to Poe's Law. I just can't tell. Either way, I really hope it's reinstated, just so we can see more from the (supposed) mind of such a twisted genius.
Aaaaand the captcha for the previous message was "Temple ryyource".
I think someone's trying to tell me something...
Those excerpts from the twitter account sound like Frances Dollarhyde talking to Freddie Lounds in Manhunter. "Do you see, DO YOU SEE!"
the little boy is actually best friends with my cousin. as much as i hate christian bs movies, i would like to see him do some more.
Now this might be slightly off topic, but the still shot for this video looks like some sort of homemade gay porn. Coed Brad and Daddy Dave.
The twitter account is back up but now seems to be a troll account that proclaims how good North Korea and it's leader is.
I checked out the twitter feed of Colton Burpo....
This kid is growing up to becoem some flag burning zealot quotign scripture while wielding an assaultrifle.
He also says extrremly wierd stuff like: God hates cats and things like that.
BUTT my favorite line:
(Colton Burpo @TheColtonBurpo · 18. März)
"Jesus told me people who use religion to make profit are bad #HeavenIsForReal"