"The Expendables" Review
Time to get my ass kicked by Stallone and Statham.
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The Cinema Snob: "The Expendables" Review
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Sounds like a fun movie
Good call on Rambo 4 too. I love that movie so much. First time I saw it, I was like: HOLY FUCK this is violent!
This is what action movies should be like. I mean I hated those Bourne Identity movies. Too much BS about the story and too little over the top action.
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I'd have to agree with the vast majority of the remarks here. It was a damn fun time. Great throwback vibe, ridiculous cast, and action/violence out the ass. I'm surprised how many reviews out there have shit all over it, talk about not "getting it." My only complaint was also the CG blood, but thinking back, there were only two shots where it was bad. Hardly anything to take huge points off the movie. Plus, there's always hope that they might tighten some of that stuff up before the bluray/DVD release. Happens sometimes.
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As always, a fantastic review of a movie. Made me want to really see the movie (again, as I'd seen it twenty minutes before seeing this.)I really enjoy all of your reviews, and they break a lot of boredom into a few sections of boredom separated by moments of awesome.
Also, I know that you love horror movies, and was wondering if you've ever seen Babysitter Wanted. It's like a fantastic mix of the original When a Stranger Calls and The Omen.
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Oh my GOD! I have just finished watching Fantasy Mission Force and I can freely say, without a doubt that it is the most batshit crazy movie in existence. Great movie though.
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16 minutes!?! 'Brevity is the soul of wit', Brad. Shakespeare said that shit, son!
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Hey nearly half the time of Spoony's review and it doesn't have Spoony's ever present headache diatribes.
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I think most of us who watch Brad could listen to him read the bus schedule and enjoy it! Now I wanna hear Brad do a scene from Shakespeare in his full monotone, dry glory. I would buy Brad Reads Shakespeare on Tape, like with real money & everything.
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Yeah, this movie was pretty damn awesome. As TVTropes would put it, it's Exactly What It Says On The Tin: a mindless action flick with enough awesome to fill five other movies and a great cast.
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Yeah, fuckin A. Jason Statham is indeed one of the best working action stars today. (It's a shame though that JCVD didn't appear in expendables)
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Love the penis hair wallpaper on your desktop.
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I love the fact that Sylvester Stallone is making movies for the die hard fans kus God knows he dosent need the money so he really is putting his heart into movies like Rocky 6,Rambo 4 and now The Expendables...just looks like old Stallone is having fun.
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Couldn't agree more. Stallone is one of those guys I was only mildly a fan of early open but hearing him talk and seeing his passion, I must admit he is one of my favorite actors and even one of my favorite people in general. What a cool, down to earth kind of guy. The new Rambo was a masterpiece and actually managed to improve on the John Rambo character. Rare to find guys this consistently good in Hollywood these days.
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HAHAHA PRINCESS DICK HAIR?!?! Classic brad....classic!
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This was the best movie I've seen in a while. I didn't know who Couture was either, but it didn't keep me from enjoying it.
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WEll.....I did not expect much from this movie...but at the same Time I did. Nostalgia I guess. Well....I give it a C. Not enough Backstory on the main cast...and for an action movie that had some good bits....There was not enough...well..."good" action. Some really funny parts and good goor. Not enough for a movie with this cast. I mean come on....half of the actors put in this film have like a total of 10 minutes on screen. unacceptable!!!! If your going to make a movie like this....do it right. I did not hate this movie..I just wanted more from it.
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Heh... I'm not the only one who was bugged by the digital gore.
My opinion was the same as yours. Great throwback to the old 80s action flicks.
I also liked how there was really only one cameo... I was expecting like 10. XD
Finally, Dolph Lundren and Jason Statham were my favorites by far. They were awesome in this!
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Gary Daniels on the big screen, WOW.
When he got his neck broke by Jet, that was the shit, also tons of pyrotechnics, this movie has a scorched earth factor of 10. Best Movie of the Summer.
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I wonder, if Pierre Kirby will feature in the 100th snob. He mentioned that he didn't have only 1 of the 2 remaining uncovered movies.
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Sounds like they did the movie the way it should've been done, cool. I'll probably see it now on your recommendation.
btw, the word "akin" is pronounced "uh-KIN". (I hate to be that guy, but it was buggin' me. Call me the Grammar Snob.)
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HEY! Now I can do that with Randy Couture's name. (its pronounced "Ka-Tore") and it would be really weird to have Randy in it but not have him fight alot in a movie. thats what he does for his dayjob in the UFC. and yes he is a HORRIBLE ACTOR.
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Let's hope Stallone doesn't make a tribute to his 90s work next. We don't need "Stop or My Mom Will Shoot 2" or "Judge Dredd: The Return".
I'm really torn between seing this or Scott Pilgrim. Both look so awesome!
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I actually thought that Judge Dredd was an amazing movie and one I will always watch if I catch it on TV. It was a bit hammy and dark but but a lot of fun. Reminded me of Predator with the eye rolling one liners and cheesy action movie plot line.
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I love Judge Dredd, but seriously it is a baaaad movie. Nothing wrong with liking a bad movie, as long as you don't get too stuck and tell people it's a GOOD movie. Enjoyable to me, but I don't tell people it's good.
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Couture is the same to UFC as Steve Austin is to WWE, maybe even more than that, because he's still competing
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His next fight is gonna be against James "Lights Out" Toney (a Professional Boxer who always fought overweight) on August 28. sorry for talking about MMA Fighting on here by the way.
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Do you know when how I parted the Red Sea, well the Expendables turns that shit into its bitch.
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Van Damme in the movie would of been icing on the cake.
Overall a fun time. Glad to see them keeping true action movies alive. Can't wait to see what Stallone will do next for a movie.... I think next he's voicing a giraffe for a kids' film....
but then theres also talk of another rambo
Hope Stallone keeps making movies until his final breath. such great movies he has done.
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Stallone and Statham, the best action hero and the only truly great new one in the same film. It's just right.
STATHAM should have been in PREDATORS If there's a sequel, he's the only sensible choice.
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I'm double featuring this tomorrow with Scott Pilgrim, and I must say I am very excited. I'm a 90s girl, so I grew up with Statham and the like, but I love the 80s action flicks just as much. Should be great fun, and this was a good review.
Your Statham impression was hilarious, by the way.
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Dude the Scott movie is fucking awesome. Especially if you love fighting games.
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Dude if I know you love old 8-bit video games Brad, you definately need to check out Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. Especially if you love fighting games. That movie is so damn awesome.
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i dig your stallone impression. perhaps there could be stallone character in a future show........?
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Ironically Spoony's review of this movie was more cinema snobbish. I'm going to see this for the reason Brad said, I've never seen a big dumb fun 80's action movie on the big screen.
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I wasn't raised on 80's action movies, but i'm a huge fan of cheese and i'm going back to see them, and i'm loving it. I should enjoy this movie.
Thanks Brad, you seem to be more laid back in your opinions than Noah, who seems to have become calloused over the years, don't let your heart harden you magnificent bastard
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You bastard! I was just drinking my coffee when that Statham-R2D2 bit made me laugh so hard I inhaled it and couldn't hear anything from my coughing for the next 2 minutes. Almost killed me, it did.
We're going to go see The Expendables in the theaters with my sister who is a big Stallone fan (she loves Rocky and Rambo, I doubt she's seen any 90s Stallone films). Glad to hear that we should be entertained, Tango & Cash was our entire family's favourite action film when I was a kid.
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I saw this movie too. It's a lot of fun. It does have a few flaws (There was one shot of CGI where there was a stab to the throat that was pretty bad), but I just laughed at it.
Thankfully, the editing helps make the CGI less evident at many points. Besides, Rambo 4 had CGI blood/gore too. The basketball scene with Statham beating everyone up is fun. The shaking camera gets a little much at times.
The cheesiness is the point and it has a lot of energy. They all seemed to have fun doing the movie. The church scene I thought was hilarious. When I left the theater, the people in front of me said that there should be more movies like this. I would have to agree. It's not for pretentious snobs, but it's highly enjoyable.
When I saw the reviews, I expected them to be very polarizing and I was right.
Supposedly, Van Damme regrets not doing the film.
I think this movie is more akin to Carolco because of the bigger budget. Cannon made a lot of low budget stuff.
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I really want to check this movie out, 80's action movies are my favorite kind! I saw a bit of Spoony's review of it too, all I have to say is that I think his ego is starting to get the better of him. He starts the review with a classic snob line: "I don't understand what this movie was trying to be." While I must admit that I have not seen the movie yet, I highly doubt that it merits such pretentiousness, especially after seeing your review of it.
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"Beeboo beeboo beep-beep-beep"
"Eyhuat's right, Jason, we're goin' to deh Dagobah System"
That totally made my day.
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hahaha yeah man it was so bad it was awesome! me and my friend were just laughing at everything in this. like when Stallone and Statham were leaving the island and then they were like "hey lets kill some more guys before we leave" that was hilarious. haha i was hoping the knife at the end would end up unveiling Arnold in his commando suit. i think the only thing i wish there was more of was cheesey oneliners, other then that yeah it was great.
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Just have to say, I loved the energy you had when doing this. It really helped convey how much you enjoyed the film, and just made me want to see it more.
Spoony's review had me on a bit of a down, as I watched that one first, but it's nice to know he may have looked at the movie a bit too deeply. I love cheesy, pointless action movies from the 80s, and was looking forward to this movie ever since I first heard about it.
Also.. you do amazing Stallone and Statham impersonations!
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I'm with you. I am going into this for the fun, not going to try to remember film class.
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I saw Spoony's review, then I watched yours. You watch this kind of movie more like I do. I am going to go see this tomorrow, and I am sure I am going to love it for the exact same reasons. Jet Li and Dolph fighting is worth the money alone.
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Thanks for the glowing review of "The Expendables"! It sounds pretty awesome!
I loved your joke about Jason Statham being R2D2!
Check out my review of Scott Pilgrim Vs The world!
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Haha Yes! I lol'd at the Italian Stallion reference.
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Thank you,Mr.Snob. Your the first person who I came across who actually got the whole point of the movie. Other reviewers take the plot too seriously and can't enjoy the campiness. I love how Jason Statham always has a knife up his ass.
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Surprise, surprise!!! Spoony hated it, even going as far as to dismiss Brads take on the movie as him just being his Cinema Snob self, even tho it was Brad doing the review not Cinama Snob. Is it just me or has Spoony turn into even more of an old man rippin into everything for hits and comments?
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I haven't seen the movie yet but I really want to. I just hope this isn't another hyped up movie thats is in the end just a big letdown. I saw "The Dark Knight", turned it off after 30 minutes. I saw "Tropic Thunder", turned it off after 30 minutes. I watched "The Wrestler" all the way, it was good but not great. I think movies these days are getting way too much hype while not delivering anything worthy of the hype. This being the reason I have not seen "Transformers 1 & 2" or "Avatar". But since "The Expendables" is a throwback to the old-fashioned action movies of my youth I probably will see it and enjoy it. Feel free to reply.
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You turn off The Dark Knight after only 30 mins? I'm conscious on what it is you were expecting in a comic movie? because all in all Dark Knight meet all hype and then some but to each their own I guess...IMO I never let hype or criticism determine what I watch beacuse who knows you might end up liking a over hyped/criticized film.
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this movie looks epic. i love cheese on my broccoli and even more in my 1990's action movies. what could possibly be better then a mishmash of characters which i love to death in a movie that i havent seen!? i ask you!? WHAT?
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Great review Brad
Love your impressions. You and Spoony are great at doing them.
Oh and Spoony didn't really like this movie that much.
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I saw it, I did enjoy it for what it was. But there are a lot of flaws in it that become apparent after the wow factor of the action wears off. I wouldn't call it a terrible movie, but It's not great either. I typed up my summations elsewhere, but I'd say it's around a 6 or so on a 10 pt scale.
My main problems were a lack of character development, some editing problems, and a kind of "WTH?" feeling when we see Dolph so easily welcomed back at the end after he outed the team, and nearly killed Jet Li earlier in the film. They didn't ruin the film for me, I still had fun watching it. But I think most people won't really want to see this more than once.
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"beep boop beep boop beep"
"That's right Jason we're going to the Degobah System"
That was the best thing...ever, and the movie was badass, dunno why Spoony was all butt hurt about it....
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It's like Cobra?! I love that movie. I can't eat a pizza without a pair of scissors.
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Wow.. this movie was very good. I have been looking forward to this movie for over a year and it did not disappoint me. Yes the story is not the best. But that's OK because you don't need a 'very' good story line as long as the movie is entertaining as hell. The acting could have been better but its still good acting. This movie has action, funny moments,intense moments, insane violence just anything you want in an action movie! Most Critics are giving this film negative reviews on but this movie is mostly for the fans. Bottom line very good action packed action movie thats brings back the memories of the 80's. Stallone, Statham, Li, Couture, Crews, Lundgren, Austin, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Rourke, the gang is here!
Very nice work Stallone!
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A 2 part 100th episode? I wonder what kind of movie you've been holding back for this. I'm kind of scared.
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Aw, no comment on Gary Daniels? I myself thought Stallone fucked up with having him treated like such a 3rd rate bitch. Seriously speaking, Kenshiro would have kicked the transporters ass.
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Hi Brad.
The Expendables prompted me to dig out an ancient VHS of Rambo. I put the thing in expecting to assaulted by a wall of white lines, fuzz, fluctuating sound and blurry images. The picture was near perfect and the sound was actually better than any of my DVDs! So I dug out a job lot of 80s horror and ditto! VHS is the best way to watch classic movies. You get trailers, you can stop them to open more beer or go out and they look better on a shelf. Plus people give them away!
Bring back VIC bring back the BIG BOX.
And bring back VHS
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VHS FTW!!! I have over a thousand VHS tapes in my house and my favorite one is Jackie Chan's Fantasy Mission Force. Damn, that tape barely works, but it's awesome.
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The movie was excellent. Every time I read a comment like "guilty pleasure", "leave your brain at the door" or "so bad it's good" it makes me want to hit something. God, do I hate those nerds, can't they stop being such pussies and decide on what they actually like or not? Everything has to be "ironic" with them, isn't it?
I went to see the Spoony's review that people were talking about, and one of the comments actually said that the movie would have been better if it was about pirates. It could only be more irritating it they were complaining about Chuck Norris not being in the cast.
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Totally agree. "so bad it's good" Is what people say when they're scared of looking stupid or uncultured. pseudo objectivism is a pox on personal taste. It's also a symptom of pop-culture's submission to unsupportable claims for the innate superiority of high art.
But the sad fact is we all sort of do it in one form or another because we are all susceptible to cultural bullying to a greater or lesser extent.
Most of the people who use "irony" as a cover are fairly young and are simply worried about not looking like a bumpkin. In truth "good taste" is a symptom of a loss of innocent enthusiasm, brutally crushed by ridicule and trying to look clever or cooler than we are. But never fear senility will get us all in the end and we will live out our twilight years unfettered by any notion of taste, irony or shame whatsoever. And we will do it in seriously horrible clothing.
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It looks like you have a Death Note figure on the shelf above the computer. Am I right?
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I don't know what you are talking about, perhaps you were trying to reply to someone else.
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Awesome movie. A return to action movies glory days! But there was one person missing from this movies impressive cast, and I ain't talking about Seagal or Van Damme...I'm talking about Pierre Kirby. I think it's time he made a comeback from his mysterious drop off the face of the Earth. Pierre Kirby for Expendables 2!
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Bradsters- Hi. Can you frigging believe it? Expendables went to Number One at the box office this weekend! That blows my mind. It's all part of the vicious cycle. Hollywood makes a big, loud, dumb movie and then 10 million yahoos from Dayton, OH (that's where I live) storm the theater on opening night buying over prices popcorn, nachos with melted cheese dip and bladder busting soda drinks to feed their 300 pound stomachs that ride double wide, gas guzzling customized pick up trucks and SUV like they never heard of Peak Oil or Global Warming, and voila Hollywood turns around and rewards these yahoos by cranking out even more retarded film fare. As Stan Lee would often say when frustrated: Sheesh!
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You are being sarcastic with that right? You can't totally be that much of a jackass can you?
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Just got back from this film and I have to agree, it was an awesome flick. Although I must admit my favorite part was when Mickey Rourke suddenly gives this emotional speech about his past. It made me think I was watching a different film for a moment. He delivered it so well.
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"The General's Daughter" holy shit, as soon as you said "the general's daughter" I thought of that film, had I been there with you I would had made the joke myself.
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Watched the movie today, absolutely loved it. I had an issue like you did with the CGI gore, it didn't look that good and practical effects are always more appreciated, especially in a movie like this. Also when the action died down and it was the talking scenes, I felt odd, if that makes sense. It just didn't seem to work that well there. But the action was fun, the characters were good, and I had a blast watching it. Spoony went more negative than you by a long shot (if you couldn't tell by all the other comments and by his review itself), but people are gonna have different opinions. I just happen to agree more with yours than with his.
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Though I enjoy your review, I gotta say I was disappointed with The Expendables. I agreed with many of Spoony's points, but wasn't nearly as negative as he was. But to be brief, whenever there wasn't a fight or an explosion, I was simply falling asleep. They really should've paced the action out better or had more of it. I went into more detail on my blog but it was basically 15-20 minutes of boring stuff in between fights and explosions.
But I will agree, Dolph Lundgren was the best part about this movie.
Really, I just wanted to post this to complement you on your Statham impression. You really need a Statham-esque character for a new string of videos.
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Yeah, the movie was everything it wanted to be, which was awesome. My only personal problem with it is that the hand-to-hand fight scenes were too shaky cam'med.
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I'd like to think that in some parallel universe there would exist Bruno Mattei's Expendables 2 starring Lou Ferrigno, Miles O'Keefe, Lorenzo Lamas, Brad Harris, Reb Browne, Sho Kusugi and of course Pierre Kirby...
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You're right brad they should have used real blood. They should have asked for volunteers to allow Stathem and Stallone to make them bleed. O.o;
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This movie was terrible! It's like putting dog food and serving it on a silver platter, it's still dog food. The talent in this movie was, for the most part, completely wasted. The scene with Sly, Willis, and Arnold was a let down. The horrible dialog took me right out of the movie. The other movies you compare this to, like Rambo, were far better. I guess just the mere presence of 3 big action stars on screen was not good enough for me. I actually expected them to do something memorable!
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HEY BRAD i would like to know why do you think Randy Couture ruins the scene everytime he talks.
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Probably because he's a horrible actor?
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It was good, but I wish it had more action! It was like 50% drama, 50% action. with a cast like that you need MORE action. And it should have been more then an hour long!
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I was expecting an 80s style action romp cheese fest, but what I got was talk, talk, talk, badly shot action. Where were all the one-liners? The totally over the top and seeable action. Half the action was out of focus, another ten percent the camera was off to the side seeing only parts of the ones doing the action, and another twenty-five percent it kept cutting away before the action was properly finished.
Seriously, what 80s action star would need Micky Rourke rambling on about a girl committing suicide before he realizes it's time to kick ass?
What 80s action movie needed a completely pointless and needless sub-plot of the action guy having a girl that went with another guy that's abusive douche, and he needs to go beat the guy up; with nothing at all present in the subplot. Charisma Carpenter - Lacey - had nothing to do but look pretty. We don't know why Statham is with her, except that she's pretty, we see nothing about who or what she is, except that she's pretty is fed up with waiting for Statham. There's nothing here. Well, it created some funny banter. Actually, it kinda didn't. The banter was that she wasn't Statham's type. So what type is she? Which reminds me: what 80s action guys needed two scenes of a girl that went nowhere, just to generate some pointless banter?
Why the hell was Austin taken out by the former wrestler? This is the main action bad guy. The main action bad guy, should be taken out by (one of) the main action good guys. Since the auto-shutgun guy, and the wrestler guy are just supporting characters, neither of them should have done it. In fact, 80s action cliche: bad guy kicks good guy ass but good guy survives --> end of movie, good guy kicks bad guy's ass and finishes him with a one-liner. So Stallone should have kicked Austin's ass; but I know, Stallone's story is the ex-CIA guy and the girl, so it was not Stallone that had to get his ass kicked by Austin earlier, it had to be someone else, that is either Li, or Statham. And of course, it had to have been Li. He had nothing to do in the end, which he needed. He also got his ass kicked by Lundgren twice over already, fought the other guy with help, and had a bad "I would have won" at the end. Austin should have kicked Li's ass earlier, and then get his ass royally kicked by Li, preferably with a repeat of the Lundgren lifting Li high over him, ready to throw him into something deadly moment, where Li flips in the air after being thrown, avoids the sure death, and proceeds to utterly decimate Austin, so when everyone hear's Li claim in the final scene, everyone goes: "Oh, yeah, he would have."
Which gets usto Austin's death on his own. An equal fight and then he gets pushed into a fire, totally anti-climactic? What main action villain of the 80s died with a whimper!? And oh, yeah: WHERE WAS THE DAMN ONE-LINER UPON HIS DEATH!?
The few bits good stuff earns this movie a barely passing 6 out 10, but I want my 80s action flick. It wasn't here!
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Because when you think Versace wallets, the first actor to come to mind is Sly Stallone. XD
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You know, after a recent viewing of Kick-Ass, I changed my mind about The Expendables due to a comparison between the creativity of the action, the storytelling, the comic relief and the soundtrack. Boys Are Back In Town? Dated. The Battle Hymn of the Republic as sung by Elvis Presley? Hell yeah! I officially like this film less.
I do respect your opinion, though, as I thought Scott Pilgrim was more fun, which you'd strongly disagree with me on. The retarded kind of action film still isn't my thing; I'm kind of a "snob". xP No need to immaturely bash me and call me some teenybopper prick, commenting fanboys - that's just me.
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To me expendables were BORING AS FUCK. I expected a much more from it, or atleast something, but no. I like all the guys in it, but this was shit.
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Worst written action movie I have ever seen. I haven't heard dialogue this bad since I watched She Devils on Wheels. The scene where Jason beats up five guys on a basketball court was so lame. I don't know which "actress" was worse: The woman who thinks that she's trying to save the country, or Jason's girlfriend that always has this stupid confused look on her face. When this movie tried to be funny, it failed. When it tried to be emotional it failed. When it tried to make me give a shit about any of the characters, it fucking failed! Having an awesome cast does not make this a good movie. Just like putting a bunch of SNL characters in Grown Ups (worst comedy ever!) doesn't make it funny. Actually, I will admit that this movie was unintentionally funny, just not in an entertaining way. I couldn't even tell what was going on in the action scenes because of how horribly shot it was. This movie doesn't even give us time to get to know the characters. And if I don't know the characters, how the fuck am I supposed to give a shit about them?
Remember how in Rambo (4) so much time was taken to show the audience how evil the dictator was? Remember how it showed the suffering that those poor people were going through? That shit was so emotional that I forgot it was just a movie. The country in the Expendables doesn't seem to be going through as much suffering as you would expect. People in Darfur are being massacred everyday, but we need to stop this "revolutionary" from getting waterboarded. Seriously? Waterboarded? Wow, Hitler has nothing on these evil motherfuckers. He might've killed more than six million Jews, but Stone Cold is slapping around a civilian. Fuck genocide, there's a woman in trouble! Let's save her so she can go back to modeling for magazines. Flavor Flav's wife is a better actress than she is.
I'm sorry, but it annoys me when a movie expects me to accept it. The same way how in Grown-Ups I was expected to laugh everytime the cast started laughing at small jokes. There is no character developement in this movie whatsoever.
I can't recommend a movie based on it's cast. Especially when that's all it has to show for it. Of course, there is one man who could've made this movie watchable. I'm talking about the greatest martial artist this world has ever and will ever see. I'm of course talking about Chuck Norris! Did I say Chuck Norris? I meant GOD!!!
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